


Tourmaline

by rocketgills



Series: Alicization Alternative [3]
Category: Sword Art Online (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Dissociation, Existentialism, M/M, Panic Attacks, Slow Burn, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2020-11-24 04:51:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 38,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20901929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rocketgills/pseuds/rocketgills
Summary: Part 3 of an SAO Canon Divergence fic, make sure to read parts 1 and 2 first! Main themes are mental health and psychology! This is a tale of knighthood.Or: How Eugeo realizes it's okay for him to have feelings and Kirito....doesn't. Covers sword school and tower arcs.





	1. Chapter 1

"Are you really sure you don't want to go back home?"

Selka couldn't even count the number of times both of the boys had asked her that exact question. Her answer hadn't changed.

"No. Besides, I'm having fun watching you two break the law."

"B-break the- we are doing no such thing!"

A voice sounded from the other room, "If you poke him too much he'll explode, be nice Sel."

While Kirito had gleefully and excitedly adjusted to their adventure and trying to solve the mystery of why their memories seemed strange regarding each other and Alice, Eugeo was having small difficulties.

They hadn't figured out his eye, though Kirito and Selka had managed to examine it once and they were able to make out a strange imprint on his eyeball. They were suitably disturbed, however Eugeo was not which led them to believe he knew what was up.

Selka was almost too smart for her own good and figured it was something to do with the taboo.

Eugeo did not tell her she was wrong.

Which led her to assume everyone could manifest it. Or that there was something you had to do to make it happen. She then followed that train of logic to Eugeo doing something wrong otherwise it wouldn't show up which led to arguments over numerous texts they'd collected, which led back to her interrogating him.

And thus they'd repeated the same arguments, Eugeo surprisingly cagey and Selka insistent for over a week and a half.

Kirito was getting tired of listening to them. This time when they started up he made a disgusted noise and escaped outside to get some fresh air.

He was feeling almost happy and the idea of it made him feel guilty in turn. He chose to ignore it. It's not like they didn't have a goal. He was here, he was helping Eugeo, he might as well investigate the Underworld, especially if it would further help Eugeo.

He ended up sitting out front, a book in his lap. He knew asking Eugeo would get him nowhere at this point unless he threatened something drastic. He assumed he knew what was going on and that Sister Azariya had known as well. 

There were a lot of assumptions going on.

Upon setting off he'd been surprised to find that his best friend and Selka fought. A lot. Not just about his health, but the best way to wash laundry, and what to have for meals, and the list went on and on.

It reminded him of himself and Sinon. Their antics were refreshing to Kirito. Usually.

He just needed a tiny bit of alone time.

This particular argument seemed more heated than usual. Typically Eugeo wouldn't argue back much. He knew he was in the wrong but at the same time he knew Selka was in the wrong for prying. That exact reason is why Kirito had gone with their own unspoken rules for when Kirito was being cagey.

Suddenly the voices stopped. They hadn't gotten particularly loud, just a very intense conversation. They fought but not in an unhealthy manner.

Kirito blinked slowly awake. He didn't even realize he'd been dozing until the front door swung open, banging slightly against the frame and rebounding back as someone passed through.

"...Eugeo?"

Eugeo merely made a pained noise, eyes wide and snapping away from the other boy's. He stuttered out an unintelligible string of words and said he'd be back in an hour before speed walking towards the woods.

_ Ah, I guess I wasn't the only one who needed space. _

  
  


Kirito gave Selka some time as well before he went back inside as it started to get cold, with no signs of Eugeo.

"Eu- ah."

"Sorry to disappoint, I'm the less handsome roommate."

"And apparently I'm the less understanding roommate. Dammit why don't I ever just let him be?!"

There were three thumps outside. A sign from Eugeo that he was close. He was glad they'd decided to be careful.

Kirito shrugged, "Years of worry? I dunno. You're smart, you were about to apologize, right?"

"Yeah...it's just...he didn't seem upset or even mad until just now…so I thought maybe if I pushed he'd say something. I was wrong."

It was silent as Kirito started heating leftovers.

He couldn't help himself for long, "He made a pretty impressive sound when he stormed out, what did you even say to him?"

Kirito glanced out the window, he should be back soon.

Selka was almost suspiciously silent as she made something on the counter.

"Come onnn, share your secrets oh great master Selka. No? I'll ask him later-"

"Oh Stacia, don't!"

Kirito peeked over her shoulder to see her mixing dough. 

_ Oh. Apology dessert. Really, what did she say? _

"Besides, you've traumatized him worse…"

"Sel," Kirito began in a warning tone, but she ploughed forwards, playfully.

"Remember when we kidnapped him from his farm?"

Kirito felt his face burn, he could remember his little speech word for word and he really had ended up kidnapping him from Rulid. Legally. But still.

"Sel, please. Please have mercy. I wasn't thinking straight. I had a heart attack that week."

"No excuses. The trauma only made you honest."

He passed her a pan so she could get started on the oven.

"Besides I was almost as embarrassed to be there. It was like intruding on a couple."

Kirito dropped the spoon he'd been using to stir the stew with a curse.

"T-that's-that's…." He bent to pick it up, his voice going quiet, "...illegal isn't it?"

Selka hummed, "According to the taboo index men and women may not marry those of the same sex. No intimacy before marriage. Which, for you, doesn't look like it'll ever be an issue. Sister told me that this set of laws led to the ostracizing of those who found nothing wrong with dating those of the same sex, or who could not marry, or who could not start families. This was then followed by the wave of belief that it was wrong."

She sat on a stool near the countertop, "I do not believe everything I read, Kirito."

Kirito glanced off to the side, reminded of his time in SAO. While many were accepting of his identity, of how he chose to label himself, there were also those who were not. He didn't expect Selka to  _ hate _ him, but this easy acceptance was almost shocking considering the society in the Underworld.

"Hey, look at me."

He looked up.

"There is  _ nothing _ wrong with it. Nothing."

They both knew what she was talking about.

"I know that...I do. But others...Eugeo...he.."

"And don't presume to know what Eugeo thinks either."

"Okay...fair. Yeah. It doesn't matter anyway."

"What do you mean?"

"Just...Maybe when this is all over. If I still...no I'm sure I'll still...I think he's the most important person I've ever met. Y'know? And I'll probably never meet anyone like him again. " She nodded encouragingly.

"And...just maybe after he sorts himself out about the stuff that happened with your sister and after I.."

"After you get your amnesia healed?"

"Ah, you don't believe me either, huh?"

"Not for a second kid."

He laughed.

"It's kind of true...I don't remember where I was as a kid, what I did, who I knew, if they're even alive. I remember this whole other set of things."

"Woah, what's got you so talkative tonight."

He shrugged, "Got tired of listening to you two argue I guess."

The door creaked open, "I'm back, Selka, I'm sorry I ran off like that, it was an immature thing to-"

"Stop! I'm the one who's sorry. I should've respected your boundaries. I shouldn't have said… that."

"No it's alright… you're right. I'll try."

"Try… what?"

Selka's smile looked almost threatening and Eugeo still hadn't looked his way. "Don't worry about it. "

Kirito didn't waste the opportunity to examine Eugeo.

Kirito enjoyed living with him. He didn't dare admit there were things he liked about SAO but the independence and freedom were things he'd taken for granted. Being able to travel and live however he liked? He missed that and he couldn't have that in the real world. At least not for probably another ten or so years.

Eugeo was quiet. When Kirito had spent time with him while they'd lived in Rulid, he was upbeat, carefully interested in others and helpful to a fault. Towards the end his quietness had surfaced but Kirito thought that had been because of his break from his parents, but this creeping silence had continued.

Kirito was sure Selka hadn't noticed, he had a strange extra sense when it came to Eugeo.

He thought soon he'd talk to Eugeo. Maybe not tonight. 

Kirito wasn't surprised at the change in his friend, he had a lot to think about in regards to his parents alone. On top of that there were his siblings, how the village had treated him, learning sword fighting, reconnecting with Selka, and then there was Kirito himself.

It was probably a lot to deal with.

So Kirito had tried to give him space to process things. He thought it would help, but it hadn't and he wasn't happy with feeling uneasy in regards to the blonde, so he scrapped the strategy.

Now he planned to be as annoying as possible. Not in the way that Selka had done, which had made him genuinely frustrated, but since Eugeo had closed himself off, Kirito was going to be as open as possible. He was hoping it would promote openness in the other and eventually he would tell him what had been going on with him.

Kirito thought his therapist would be proud of him.

Eugeo's breaking point came ten months later.

They had travelled far and had arrived in Zakkaria only to have missed the tournament that would grant them entry to the renowned academy of sword mastery located in Northern Centoria.

The group was exhausted and frustrated, unsure of what month it was due to the time on the roads, only trying to make it to Zakkaria as quickly as possible. The fact that they had barely missed the tournament by mere days only lowered their spirits further.

"Arghh!! Four days! Just four! If only humans didn't need to sleep!"

"If only," Eugeo sighed, "Nothing to be done for it I suppose…"

"I don't think we could've gone any faster on dragon…"

"Well… time to find a place to stay."

Luckily the group was prepared in terms of gold, having performing odd jobs and services as they traveled. 

The group looked at each other and silently moved to an empty side of the road and sat. 

"This is… frustrating.." Eugeo mumbled, head face down in his arms. 

He rarely complained. His travel mates were only on the journey because of him after all, and he wanted to do everything he could for them. 

Just hearing him admit it bolstered Kirito and Selka.

"It'll be ok Eugeo! This just means more time for training!!"

Eugeo groaned, it was true, he likely would not have won, and there were still some things he wanted to work on before the tournament. 

Selka nodded before standing up. 

"I'm going to go look for a place to stay! Wait here with our things!"

In the end Selka ended up finding them a long term residence. The home of a couple who were traveling merchants. Their parents took care of the home and offered it up to rent while the two were away. 

"Selkaaaa! You're amazing!"

Said girl laughed bashfully, "I thought you'd like it."

"Really! This is great! It's like all our hard work had paid off!" Eugeo said with a wide grin, as he poked his head in. He made an appreciative noise, the place wasn't large but it was by no means small. The sitting room and the kitchen were separate and they each had a bedroom. He assumed the owners planned on having a child at some point. Light filtered in through the curtain covered front windows. The furniture was wooden aside from a steel desk, likely used for appraising merchandise.

A wide array of books spanned the wallwide bookshelf which led up a small set of stairs.

Eugeo followed those, Kirito trailing quietly behind him.

The stairs creaked as they stepped up, a floral scent filtering through. The stairs sloped gently into a small hallway holding two doorways on each side. Peeking into the first, Eugeo found the bath.

Behind him Kirito gasped, startling him.

"A bath! Finally!"

He couldn't blame the other for his exuberance. If they'd ever lacked anything on their travels, it was the luxury of cleanliness.

There were arts to ward away dirt, to refresh ones skin, but it wasn't the same.

The next rooms were bedrooms, each set up quite similarly.

"Which do you want?"

"Eh, I don't care, you pick."

Eugeo ended up picking the room facing the road, he liked the idea of being able to face the outside without having to go for a walk like he normally would. 

Selka picked the room across from the bathroom claiming she'd have to get it first because the boys hogged it.

Kirito took the remaining room with no complaints. 

It was quiet that night as the three were excited to have real space to themselves. 

  
  


The next morning found Eugeo the first to rise. He decided to go out and explore the town, maybe pick up supplies for breakfast. He had a strong feeling his housemates would not be waking anytime soon.

As he walked through the town he was reminded strongly of Rulid. The only different was the amount of drive in its people. He saw many more children with school supplies, and many with training swords.

What struck the strongest chord in him was that no one gave him a second glance. Not that he thought he was striking to look at, or attractive, he was just so used to the searching judging glances of his home town, and the more curious but soon to be judgemental glances of those they'd met in passing.

He wasn't stupid, he knew he was...odd in a way. He was quiet, he rarely spoke unless spoken to, he was always trying to be helpful but he knew his attentions came off a bit strong to others. He was too attentive, noticed too much.

He felt his heartbeat quicken and he tried to calm. No one was looking at him. He was  _ nobody _ here and it was that that relaxed him.

No one would bother him, just like back home. He'd be left to himself.

He bought groceries, thanking the shopkeep who gave him some apples for free, saying she hoped he enjoyed living here and that he seemed sweet.

He gave her the best smile he could before practically running back to the house.

He found it strange, that being around so many people would be distressing to him.

He let his back press against the door, let the coolness seep into him as he locked it behind him, dropping the basket of produce on the ground.

"...Yuu?"

"Ah...Selka, morning."

She gave him a searching glance -

_ Stacia, please don't look at me please- _

"You already went shopping? "

"Yup. I think I got up a bit too early, I'm gonna take a small nap."

"Okay…" she still sounded concerned but he smiled and headed for his room. 

He reached his door but the thought of laying there alone rankled as much as dealing with anyone did. 

Before he could overthink it he knocked on Kirito's door. It wasn't fully closed so it opened slightly at the action. 

Eugeo peeked in, bewildered, it didn't actually look like anyone was in the room. A voice drifted from below what looked to just be a pile of blankets. 

"Eugeo…? It's early…"

He glanced out the window, sunlight drifted steadily in to the room. 

"Sun's up," he replied. 

A fluff of black hair poked out, eyes staring at Eugeo.

The blonde didn't feel the unease, the panic he'd felt before at both being unnoticed or noticed. He managed to withhold a relieved sigh. 

"What's wrong? You look…tired? Did you sleep?"

Kirito let his head fully emerge from his pile. 

"I slept, I went outside to explore a little and bought groceries," Eugeo answered dutifully. His tone seemed a bit empty but he couldn't find it in him to fix that. The moments of panic from earlier had drained him. 

Kirito mumbled something to himself as he dragged himself out of bed. He spun Eugeo by the shoulders so he could push him out the door and into the hall. 

"Are you that offended I was awake early?"

"No!" Eugeo was so taken aback by Kirito's exasperated tone he missed Selka staring at them on the stairs and then giving Kirito a thumbs up. 

Once manhandled into his own room and seated on his bed with Kirito shoving his way in, he looked at his friend, "Kirito what- wait why do you look so-"

Kirito's face was red as he slapped a hand over Eugeo's mouth, "Shut. Up." Selka had made Kirito highly aware of the fact that he had just manhandled Eugeo into a bedroom while in his sleep clothes.

Eugeo started at him wide eyed as his expression went from embarrassment back to concerned and he felt a thread of anxiety crawl up his spine. How did Kirito even know he was upset, his face wasn't that easy to read was it? Kirito released him and he voiced the question.

"Don't worry I just know you, you never come to wake me up unless I'm missing something like a meal or if I've slept way too long. And it's not  _ that _ late yet. What is it?"

Eugeo bit his lip, the distress from earlier returning as if called by Kirito's question.

"I… Um...it's stupid.."

"It's not."

"It is...it was just...too many people? Too much? No one looks my way here- and it's...great?"

"Great?"

"Yeah, in Rulid...everyone always stared or spoke about me behind my back or..or - or,"

Eugeo snapped his mouth closed, had he managed to develop a stutter?

Kirito reached out a hand and Eugeo felt a sharp pain as he gently uncurled his hand from where it had fisted in his clothes.

"It's okay, breathe. Geez we haven't done this since Rulid either. You haven't looked like this since Rulid. Maybe we shouldn't stay here?"

"No! No, it's nice here. It is-"

Eugeo shouldn't be surprised that Kirito would go through all the work of moving again and losing their deposit just because he had one bad morning. They'd  _ just _ got there.

"I don't know why I...it's good that no one bothered me. But back home no one would bother with me. I guess I was thinking of my family?"

Understanding hit Kirito then. At home no one looked at Eugeo or even cared. In the village no one cared but they all judged him, spoke of him behind his back.

"You won't be alone here. You have me and Selka."

Eugeo's voice was quiet and frustrated, "I know."

Kirito cursed under his breath, "I should go back to Rulid and.."

Eugeo let out a startled laugh, harming others was against the index.

"Kirito-"

"Give them a piece of my mind. What's with that look?" Kirito smiled at him and Eugeo flexed his fingers in the others grip. Kirito shifted his hand to accommodate the movement before dragging them both down to lay on the bed, "Feeling better?"

Eugeo stared at him for a moment as Kirito got comfortable, "Um..yeah." He actually did.

Kirito held Eugeo's hand between them, "Now that that's settled I'm going back to sleep."

"You can't just- wait do you just sleep in your underwear? You wore pants the whole trip here - why -"

Eugeo felt himself grow more and more flustered as he took stock of the situation. He found himself gripping Kirito's hand back as the other boy shuffled closer, trying to leech his warmth. He claimed Eugeo was a heater. His eyes drifted only to land on the other's bare legs and he quickly averted his gaze. It really wasn't terribly cold, but Eugeo pulled the covers over them, not wanting Kirito to complain he was cold later.

Eventually Kirito gave up on being shy about his love for close contact and tucked himself under Eugeo's chin, letting a knee rest near Eugeo's.

Eugeo scowled, giving in and throwing an arm over Kirito's waist, pulling him closer. What else was he supposed to do if Kirito was going to be so…cute about the whole thing?

Against his expectations, he ended up drifting to sleep, his last thought that he was supposed to be cooking breakfast for the three of them soon.


	2. It (kind of) Finally Happens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two things the trio have been waiting on happen. Kind of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Graphic depiction of illness/injury.

_ Eugeo….Eugeo wake up! Shit… _

A voice was calling him, or so he thought. Everything around him was cold and hot at the same time. Everything around him was dark.

Eugeo felt alone. He wanted not to be.

There was the distinct feeling of a needle moving back and forth through his eye.

He screamed.

He cried for help.

What was _ wrong _? He couldn't think, he just wanted it to stop. What did he do to deserve this? He was good. He tried so hard to be a good person. It hadn't gotten him anywhere. It had gotten him lost friends. It had gotten him ostracized. It has gotten him loneliness. Maybe all his good deeds were pointless.

He just wanted a _ break _.

He thought things were getting better with Kirito around. And they were! But life just kept throwing more and more at him and with every good thing, two bad things were piled on top.

For his freedom from Rulid, he gained this anxiety, this fear of other people, and a loss of control he'd never expected. 

But he really didn't care what other people thought. Which was not Taboo, but he should look out for his fellow human beings.

For Selka, he realized that he didn't really have any dreams, and the one thing he wanted from his past was so far out of reach it was almost impossible. Alice was likely dead. But he needed to _ know _.

He wasn't supposed to need a dream, he was supposed to follow his Calling. Abandoning or even not trying at his Calling was...Taboo.

For Kirito, he'd learned things he didn't want to about himself. Things he had to face up to. It had made him a better person he thought, but he wasn't supposed to dislike people, and especially not dislike things about the Church. He wasn't supposed to want to do anything for his best friend even if it meant going against the Teachings. It was Taboo.

But if it was Taboo to care, to want to stand up for those who couldn't when they had been knocked down, then he didn't _ want _ any part of it. He wanted to protect what he had. He would do anything, absolutely anything.

And suddenly the pain stopped.

It was pitch black in what Eugeo assumed was a dream, no matter how real the pain felt. There was blood dripping down one side of his face and a shaky hand reached upwards and tried to touch it. His hand met warm, raw, frayed flesh.

He screamed again.

And suddenly his world was in a different sort of darkness. He could feel his tunic sticking to him due to sweat and he could hear his own breathing, heavy and harsh. Kirito and Selka were talking around him, one frantic, the other calm. He lifts a hand to reach it towards his eye and it is immediately pinned back down to the bed.

A pair of hands reaches around his head, tying something in place.

He looks up to see a frightened Kirito. However, frightened wasn't enough to describe the bone deep fear he saw in Kirito's face. He did his best to keep his face open and neutral as he looked to Selka.

"I can't see out of one side."

Silence.

"I can fix it. I just need time."

"Fix…" He tugged his hand from Kirito's grip to touch his right eye.

  
  


Nothing.

  
  


He tried to swallow back the bile in his throat but failed and bent over the side of the bed. Kirito had said something to him but he couldn't hear it. Selka returned with a glass of water and a mop and bucket which Kirito took as Selka moved him out of the way. 

"_ Eugeo... _I didn't call a doctor because you told me not to if it was anything to do with your eye. But-" She cut herself off as she opened his Stacia window and showed it to him, "Please tell us."

Eugeo frowned, too distracted by his missing eye, to answer immediately. He didn't know where to start. He almost laughed, how was he going to train? 

"_ Eugeo." _ Kirito hadn't turned back towards him but his tone left no room for argument. 

He explained. Azariya's request for him to keep quiet about his eye. The pain that would strike him whenever his thought patterns went against the Church's teachings. His struggles to really think about how he felt about things rather than just doing as he had been told. 

His hand fiddled with the fabric covering his eye. Selka gently moved his hand down to his lap, right, she would fix it she said. He knew his explanation was incomplete. 

"It makes sense...the moments when you'd be in pain… like that one time you got angry at the merchant for me, you wanted to hurt him."

Eugeo nodded, and the action felt unbalanced. "Yeah stuff like that.."

"But you were sleeping this time. And why did it…"

"I guess the Sister wanted to keep me from being scared."

"But you were _ sleeping _."

"I guess...my subconscious finally realized that the Church's laws are a load of bullshit."

Selka sharply inhaled at both Eugeo's rare curse and the verbal judgement on the Church, "Oh."

"Don't worry Selka, I'm not going to randomly start breaking Taboos."

Eugeo felt a giddy sense of freedom at being able to say that and not feel anything. That feeling washed away a chunk of the horror he'd been feeling at losing an eye. If the injury was healable then did it really matter? 

"Is that really it?" He wasn't surprised Kirito had realized it wasn't quite so simple. Eugeo thought about the best way to say it as Kirito stepped into the hall to deposit the dirty cleaning tools.

He let his hand drop from his patch as he looked up. He didn't even realize he was smiling. "I figured out what I'd do anything for, even go against the whole world for. In the face of that...I didn't care about the pain, it was just a distraction and I thought I would rather it was just gone rather than continue to get in my way."

Kirito had a strange expression on his face as he patted Selka's shoulder, "I'll stay here Sel, you should go sit for a bit."

She nodded and quietly left, likely to eat something small to regain her energy. She had cast ineffective arts to try to help him but all she'd ended up doing was wasting her energy and watching Eugeo's life dip lower and lower. She was also probably angry with him.

Eugeo stood, feeling strangely alert. He was happy he didn't seem to be too stuck on the fact that his eye literally exploded. Probably. He'd woken up as it happened. He got up to clean his mouth because well...if he was forced to be watched, he was not going to sit there and feel dirty.

The sunlight filled hallway was almost an insult. It seemed like it was barely noon.

When he returned to his room, he had the full intention of apologizing to Kirito who had taken a seat on his bed. He still had that odd look on his face so Eugeo decided he'd talk first. 

"Kirito, I'm sorry for-"

"It's fine...I understand why you did. There’s nothing we could have done anyway."

_ Is he...mad at me? _

Eugeo sat down next to Kirito, continuing to talk,

"I'm still sorry. It must have been scary for you guys," he nodded, and Eugeo took a deep breath, "The thing I'd do anything for, I just wanted to let you know..well I feel like you should know that it's y-"

Suddenly Eugeo's center of gravity changed, his back was pressed against his bed and he felt a weight settle on top of him. Eugeo's breath caught in his throat, he'd never seen Kirito this angry. At least not at him.

Kirito's eyes bore into him and he didn't even attempt to move. Eugeo thought it would be self destructive to do so. The grip Kirito had him in didn't hurt but there wasn't any space for Eugeo to escape or move. He almost wanted to ask _ how _ he'd learned that and if he would teach it to him.

Maybe not.

If he found himself on the receiving end of this too often he didn't think he could handle it. Especially not without the punishment of his eye literally feeling like it was burning itself out of its socket-

Wait, he needed to focus, Kirito was going to say something and he was going to miss it and it would make him even angrier.

Eugeo knew why his friend was mad. He had gotten hurt after all. But _ this _couldn't have been avoided. It was a calculated injury. Not one he knew about but he knew something would happen. Eventually. And that he would survive it. But he really didn't like it.

"I'm sure you have a well worded argument as to why I shouldn't be _ too _ angry, but I am. I haven't been that terrified in years. Do _ not _ ask me about my amnesia right now." Normally he would but Eugeo shook his head, he was not, he wasn't planning on it. In fact, he wasn't planning on breathing if Kirito didn't tell him it was fine. He found he really, _ really _ didn't like Kirito angry at him. What if he decided he didn't want to talk to him? Even a day would be terrible. They were best friends after all. Kirito sighed frustratedly, "Do you know why I'm mad?" Eugeo nodded. Of course he did. A part of him was warmed, at home when he'd get injured he'd get yelled at for not being able to work. This was concerned and it was so warm he felt like he'd be burned. Kirito was mad at him but he wasn't scared of the anger, he was scared he'd disappointed Kirito and pushed him too far with his choice not to tell them.

Kirito scowled, "Always so sensible. Yet this time you decided to do the stupid thing which is not explain yourself. I'm not even sure I understand it yet! Is it because of the Taboo Index? Something else? A curse? Why aren't you _ saying anything? _ " Eugeo took that as permission to speak, "All three? Sister told me when this all first started that it was a deterrent. The pain trained us to think the way the Pontificate wanted, and so we'd be too scared to go too far, even in our own heads, it would get worse and worse until. Well. This. Something to stop us from questioning the Church. But the Church isn't always _ right _."

Kirito's mind immediately snapped to his weeks of living with his head buried in law books. Some were merely archaic. Others were overly controlling. He'd wondered why people listened. He assumed no one spoke of this if they experienced it. That or they were trained too well. "If my eye comes back and this pain comes with it I'd go through it all over again."

"Eugeo, it's been a _ year... _ God, now I understand how you felt when I had that heart attack. _ " _Kirito felt like if he wasn't touching Eugeo he'd disappear, that something would happen.

"I'd do it again."

That he'd lose him somehow. It was terrifying.

"_ Why. _ You were in so much pain. Your Life dipped so low. What if-" He didn't want to imagine it happening again.

"I won't let that happen. I can't die. I gave up this eye because I decided that what I want to protect is worth the pain. I can handle way more."

"What the hell is worth-"

"_ You are. _ Stacia, you can be dense. You already know this. You're worth it-"

Eugeo paused. From the look Kirito was giving him and from the loosening of his grip on his wrists, he somehow didn't know that Eugeo-

"You didn't know that I…uh"

"...that you?"

Eugeo felt his nerve leave him all of a sudden, to be replaced by embarrassment. He wasn't going to tell Kirito that he loved him or anything. Not at that moment. It was improper. Not that Kirito cared about that. It was...too much. He hadn't even courted him yet? Kirito didn't even like him like that! Such thoughts swirled around his head as he responded, almost unable to stop the words tumbling from his mouth if it would get the utter disbelief off of Kirito's face. Feelings or not, he was _ important. _

"That I...that...you're the most important thing in the world to me? That...that I couldn't even imagine-"

A hand was over his mouth and Eugeo was pleased to note he could now move his hand. Less angry then. "Stacia help me. Stop. If you know what's good for you, Eugeo." Eugeo took a moment to admire the flush on Kirito's face. He almost winced but was even happier when no pain came. He stayed pliant but bravely ignored Kirito's order and kept talking. Though he was sure it sounded like nonsense on Kirito's end. He was sure he heard some of it though. 

He was especially sure he heard, "You realize I'm a better person thanks to you, right?" Because the hand over his mouth suddenly pressed down with more force. He couldn't really talk anymore, it didn't hurt, but he figured he should probably stop teasing Kirito so much. Anything to make him feel better though, he always did the same for Eugeo. 

Kirito's face was suddenly much closer and and his nose brushed against Eugeo and Kirito's lips were pressed against Kirito's fingers in a chaste imitation of a kiss. He could feel their breaths mingling through the minute spaces between his fingers and it was doing _ something _ to his heart as Kirito released his wrist in favor of passing a gentle hand along his hair. The pressure against his face eased up and Kirito sat up and Eugeo didn't know what to do, so he just stared at Kirito.

_ He just kissed me? He just kissed me. Kind of? Did we just break a taboo? Is this technically taboo? Oh no, we're breaking the law just like Selka said, I- _

"I did tell you to shut up. I cannot deal with you any other way if you're going to be like this."

Eugeo still didn't speak, still staring up at Kirito.

"Did I break you? Hey, your face is really red. Geez, if this was all it took to get you to stop talking I'd do it every time we had a fight."

Eugeo shifted his gaze to the ceiling, begging for help. Kirito was just plain dangerous.

"K-kissing someone of the same gender is taboo."

Kirito had a smug look on his face now.

"Well. All I kissed was my hand, but if you want to think I was kissing _ you _, be my guest."

Eugeo was in awe, were they really going to basically play chicken with each other? See who could make the other confess their feelings first? He'd basically already done that with what he said and so had Kirito with the kiss. Not kiss. Whatever. Eugeo prided himself on his ability to read a situation and to read his friend and he is pretty sure his crush is mutual now.

"I take it back, I think I hate you."

Kirito looked stung and Eugeo was weak in that moment he couldn't stand to hurt his feelings, even over a stupid joke, "If only. I don't think I'm capable of it."

"....stop that."

Eugeo gasped as he came to a realization. It's not that Kirito wanted to run circles around each other, "Are...are you embarrassed, Kirito? I know we can't date or anything like that and I won't ask but…neither of us is stupid. You've known I liked you since I sent you on that research project ages ago in Rulid."

He mumbled something in response.

"Wow, you are embarrassed. What was that?"

"I said, _ I thought you'd grow out of it. _"

"Nope."

"Ah."

Eugeo took a risk, "...you didn't, why would I?"

Kirito moved to get off of him. They ended up seated next to each other, shoulders brushing. 

"We're not dating." Kirito stated bluntly, with a stern expression.

Eugeo agreed with him, smiling. 

"We're not!"

Kirito gave him a suspicious look at the warm response, before it shifted to concern. He reached a hand up to Eugeo's missing eye, not quite touching. 

"It really doesn't hurt?" He asked, voice quiet. Eugeo grabbed his hand and gently positioned it so his fingertips touched the patch. He felt his stomach lurch, his body still adjusting to the loss, "It really doesn't. I'll write Sister Azariya in the morning, anyway."

"It was scary, I left to make breakfast and when I came back…"

"I'm okay." Kirito shifted their hands to the side of his face. Eugeo leaned into it, closing his eye.

"You're not freaked out that you lost an _ eye _ from taking a nap?"

"...strangely enough, no."

Eugeo could almost feel Kirito's gaze on him but he kept his eyes closed, feeling relaxed. 

Kirito could feel his self control slip as he used his other hand to tilt Eugeo's chin upwards. Kirito felt an addictive sense of control as the other went willingly. Had Eugeo always been this easy to boss around? Definitely not. He thought about what things would have been like if he hadn't met Eugeo. He couldn't imagine it, he couldn't imagine anything without the other. This would be the last time. He just needed Eugeo to know exactly how much he cared. Kirito didn't want to say it. But Eugeo needed to know that even if it wouldn't kill him like they'd feared, someone cared that he was hurt, that someone wanted him around, that someone wanted him _ happy _. He ran his thumb along Eugeo's lips.

_ Just one more… _

He pressed his lips carefully to where his thumb rested and he could feel Eugeo shaking. He felt, more than saw, Eugeo's surprised inhale. Kirito would never admit to the pathetic sound he made when Eugeo pressed back against him. Somewhere deep down he reminded himself that he wasn't sure if _ he _ was subject to the laws of the Underworld and he kind of didn't care, as his free hand came to rest on Eugeo's shoulder from Eugeo's face. He'd probably ended up in the forest that day just to meet Eugeo and he suddenly wanted the Taboo Index gone, the Church disassembled. He kind of didn't care about the laws. All it would take is him removing his thumb from where he'd gently placed it. This was its own kind of torture, Kirito thought, as he leaned back. Eugeo followed, as if he didn't want Kirito any further away. Kirito stopped him by pressing back with the hand that still rested on his chin, but Eugeo slipped his own into the space, interlocking their fingers. 

"Eugeo," he scolded halfheartedly, "we're not dating. "

"We're not. But you did just…" Eugeo couldn't say it. 

"That was just affection. For my best friend."

Eugeo still preened at being called his best friend but, "I think you have the wrong idea of how best friends act. Do you treat all your best friends like this?"

"No you're the first, so deal with it."

"I don't believe you, you're the type that was probably really popular before you ended up in Rulid. You definitely had a best friend and a partner."

"Nope, no best friend. "

"But you didn't deny the partner part."

"Doesn't matter. "

Eugeo thought. Kirito had promised not to lie. He wasn't the type to abandon people or hurt people needlessly. Which means last he knew, he still had this partner. 

"Huh. Interesting. Yet this is ok?"

"Yup," he said with an obnoxious popping sound on the p, "Besides. We're not dating. "

"I know that, " Eugeo said good naturedly, "I'm courting you. "

"...what." a twin set of voices responded. Selka had come back into the room.

"Yeah. I just decided. I'm courting you until you can tell me all about your past and until we finish this adventure."

Selka left, shutting the door.

A moment later, laughter was heard. It went on.

And on.

Kirito ran a hand through his hair, finally releasing himself from Eugeo's hold.

"You're ridiculous." Kirito's ears were red, and he didn't realize how nice the shift in their dynamic would be once Eugeo could say these things to Kirito without worrying about his eye stinging, burning, or bleeding in vengeance.

Freedom, he pondered, was a thing he couldn't comprehend unless he had it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kirito just really really wants to take care of Eugeo, everything else aside.
> 
> Now things will diverge. The butterfly effect was Kirito not continuing to claim amnesia. So now Eugeo has broken that good old System Alert on himself a fair bit earlier than in canon. Next chapter is Selka's time to shine.
> 
> I sweat over this chapter for a while. This is the third rewrite and I hope everything is clear.
> 
> Edit: Moved this note here, it felt more appropriate.
> 
> Think about the times where you encountered a fact that shifted your whole life around and it bounced around your head day in and day out. You couldn't run from it, and you couldn't get rid of it and you would never want to, no matter how much it shook your life up. That's Eugeo's friendship/feelings for Kirito.
> 
> Then think about your favorite food. That favorite food happens to be healthy and safe to overindulge. It actually helps you and you welcome it as part of your daily diet. You learn all the facts you can about it, you tell everyone how great it is, and you refuse to hear anything bad about it. That's Kirito's friendship/feelings for Eugeo. Kinda.


	3. Erosion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> About Selka...

Selka was quite used to walking in on evidence of the deeper than was the norm relationship between her two friends. She had been seeing bits and pieces of it from the time Kirito appeared to them leaving Rulid to their arrival in Zakkaria.

Once she was sure Eugeo wasn't going to evaporate before her eyes, she thought it best to give everyone their space and left Eugeo with a book and the care of an alert spell. Kirito's door was shut tight. He was probably freaking out. He tended to have a delayed panic after doing something crazy like fighting a mob of goblins or kissing his best friend out of slightly misplaced, slightly manic, worry.

She decided it would be best to give him his space.

Also Eugeo took a nap. And managed to explode his face. She needed a break.

Her brothers were strange. Very very strange.

She wandered outside, putting on a light cloak. The sun was about to set and she wanted to think. What was she going to do while they were on Zakkaria? She wanted freedom. What would make her feel the most free? Less in her sister's shadow?

She took a deep breath of the night air. She'd studied the healing arts while at the church and for the past year of travelling till her eyeballs felt like they'd fall off.

She shivered at the analogy.

Maybe now it was time for her to learn something less passive. Everyone back in Rulid had called her sister a genius at the sacred arts. She had tried but no one had acknowledged her skill aside from the Sister. Selka was not a prideful person but she was  _ good. _ Amazing even at the arts. The fact that Kirito and Eugeo were still breathing were proof of that.

She walked through the town square. Salespeople were packing up for the day. She felt rather impulsive, she headed out to the fields. As she wandered she witnessed something she'd never be able to recreate with words.

Gorgeous shoulder length hair, pinned back behind their ears. Tall.  _ Extremely _ muscular arms and a blade that shone like fire. Was that a sacred art infused into the blade?

Selka suddenly felt she wanted - no, she needed to get a sword, a knife, right now. She wanted to try that. She would learn.

Her silly dense roommates needed protecting, after all. She'd come this far protecting them just with the healing arts. If she learned more and more imagine how far they could go.

She was decidedly not thinking about the human holding the blade and would reserve that crisis for much later. Maybe when she suddenly developed a pain in her eye like Eugeo.

(Maybe she'd just remove the eye and regrow it and circumvent the issue entirely.)

These thoughts led her back home and she gently closed the front door. She felt a sense of belonging here.

".....Selka why."

It wasn't the first time she'd bought something on the pure feeling of 'that might be good to have' but it was the first time it had been a weapon. The blade was a shortsword and it was beautiful and gorgeous and  _ hers _ .

She saw the money saver in Eugeo's eyes, she defended herself quickly.

"I traded some work for it, I promise." She had performed a check up for the seller's children and got rid of a pesky snoring issue.

Eugeo didn't stop staring, Selka pouted, feeling oddly possessive "It's mine," she shifted the blade behind her.

"I won't touch without your permission, I get it."

Selka relaxed.

"It's pretty right?"

Eugeo grinned at her and she explained her next line of study to him, always the kind and attentive listener.

She appreciated his open ear in a way he'd probably never understand. Eugeo wasn't a bad conversationalist, far from it, but he was a quiet one. He had a habit of not talking unless spoken to and seemed infinitely more comfortable when he wasn't the center of a conversation. Though she had noticed the jealous looks to the side of her face when she and Kirito would get into an excitable question about the arts. As if he wanted to interject that he knew them too. But he never did.

He was inherently kind.

Selka felt like she couldn't get enough of that kindness.

At first glance one would say her housemates back at Rulid were almost disturbingly kind. However after living with them for years, she found they were merely open minded. A rare, wonderful, thing. But something they had to be quiet about.

Eugeo's kindness, however, could shine at any moment.

She was in the middle of mentioning that maybe he should help Kirito with the sacred arts while she researched when she heard a creak.

She glanced subtly towards the staircase to a very sleepy Kirito. She let out a little "aw" drawing Eugeo's attention to the doorway. The number of times she'd seen Kirito so exhausted were few. He always woke up slowly, but this time he looked like he barely knew where he was.

He wasn't being overt about it but she could tell he only came downstairs to look for Eugeo. He probably would be back in bed if he saw the other was still sound asleep.

She hoped he hadn't had any nightmares.

Eugeo hadn't quite stood but he looked ready to do so at any moment.

_ I wonder if he knows he's got Eugeo wrapped around his little finger? _

"Kirito! Go back to sleep. It's late."

He mumbled something unintelligible. 

"What?" Selka was good at guessing but not that good. 

"I literally  _ just _ took a nap Kirito. Go back to bed."

He scowled at Eugeo.

"I'm  _ fine. _ "

Selka threw in her own lot, "He is fine. You, on the other hand, should go to sleep for your own health. I can only deal with one of you at a time."

He grunted out a fine, but instead of climbing the stairs he sat down next to Eugeo, flopping onto him. Eugeo manages to look pleased, embarrassed, and annoyed at the same time. 

"Kirito, we meant your bed. What are we, your parents?" Selka complained. Then she heard Eugeo say something she never would have expected from him, even hours prior.

"Say, Kirito." "Hm?" "You do remember I'm supposed to be courting you right?"

"....mhmm."

"Then it won't surprise you if I tell you you're really cute like this?"

Kirito didn't respond. Selka found herself wildly curious as to how their relationship would work. Eugeo knew full well that there was no point to courting Kirito. Neither of them was a noble and the system circled around parents and arranged marriage. Kirito didn't  _ have _ parents and Eugeo didn't believe in the marriage system. Also them even dating was illegal. Technically.

It was dependent on each town's enforcer to uphold that rule. It wasn't Taboo to claim you were dating anyone, girl, boy, or neither but it was looked down upon.

She watched Eugeo realize Kirito had fallen asleep rather quickly, and probably hadn't heard his comment. She watched his mouth form the smallest, most precious smile.

She was going to protect them with her life.

"Do you want a blanket?"

"Eh? Wait I don't want to sleep down here-"

"No blanket then? Are you gonna carry him upstairs like that?"

He looked down helplessly

"Please, help."

"Well, only because you asked so nicely."

After a fair bit of struggling they managed to get Kirito back to his bed, all without waking him.

The next morning Selka awoke to two doors banging.

She assumed Kirito probably did have a nightmare when he'd wandered downstairs and again after they'd brought him back up.

She figured their relationship wouldn't change at all.

Eugeo would scold Kirito to take better care of himself and Kirito would try his best to do so. Kirito was watch Eugeo with an eagle eye and help him when he wasn't looking.

Fools. Wasn't it easier to just say these things?

She wrapped her blanket tighter around her. The two were surprisingly quiet for the amount of noise that woke her.

She couldn't complain about them, though. She hadn't spoken about anything at all lately. Though she doubted they'd noticed with the eye and all.

Just as her thoughts started to turn to loneliness, her door banged open. Before she could free herself from the confines of her quilt, something flopped onto her torso, trapping her.

"Kirito, get off!"

He laughed and nearly shifted to the side so he wasn't crushing her ss mutch. 

"Wait whose turn is it to cook?"

Another weight settled near her feet.

"Not mine I was sick. Kind of."

"No, Eugeo, don't nap, you know seeing you sleep knocks us both out, and then how will Kirito make breakfast?"

Eugeo had already closed his eyes. He was normally an early riser but Selka assumed he was drained from recent events.

She thought quickly and shoved Kirito off the bed.

"Hey!"

"...hungry."

It's not that she minded relaxing with her boys or even cooking, but lately she just didn't want to do  _ anything _ . She felt like the past year had drained her in a way the rest of her life hadn't. She just wanted to sit, and do nothing but think for a week or three. She actually thought she would do that.

She'd include these thoughts in her letter home as well.

Back in her own head, she managed to miss the shared look between Eugeo and Kirito. 

Before she knew it she had been wrapped in a blanket and carried downstairs, and settled on the ridiculously comfortable couch, this time being forced to use Eugeo as a makeshift pillow.

"Um-"

"You need a break."

She didn't respond.

"Yup, thought so. Sit tight, I'll make breakfast."

Eugeo pulled a book from the cushions and began to read aloud, something about sacred energies that hung around different landscapes. Normally she'd find it interesting and needed to ask where Eugeo had found such a detailed text but the combination of the dull writing style, Eugeo's calming voice, and Kirito's puttering around the kitchen sent her right back to sleep.

She was woken to eat and then tucked back into bed.

She didn't expect to fall asleep but Kirito sat and  _ stared _ until she passed out - and why that of all things settled her enough to drowsiness, she would never know.

When she woke for real, it was dark out again and she felt like she had lost an immeasurable chunk of time even though it had really only been ten or so hours.

She shuffled downstairs, unsure why she had bothered to shower and change clothes.

Perhaps it was the freedom of being able to do so.

But as she reached the main floor, Kirito had her by the arm, helped her put her coat on, and pulled her out the front door.

_ They're tag teaming me. This is how Kirito must feel when we nag him. _

"Why?"

Kirito didn't need an explanation for your question.

"You seem...sad. Or maybe tired."

"I'm not...sad. But maybe I am tired. But it's really nothing to worry about?"

Selka doesn't quite understand the look Kirito gives her. Like there's something she's missing and that she would do better to just listen to him.

"When people are tired, they sleep early or ask for something to be done for them."

"I-"

"I'm not complaining. Or blaming you. I don't think you've done anything wrong."

Her fears were soothed before she could even realize they were there and she was almost annoyed that he understood her this well.

"Stop me if I'm wrong. I'm not an expert or anything, but...we're getting closer to our goal- to your sister -and you feel like you still haven't figured out what...you're good at right?"

Selka shook her head, "I just don't know what I want to do. I think if anyone to ask me to do something, I know what I wouldn't want, but I have no clue what I  _ want. _ "

"Oh."

"What?"

"I mean, we're the same."

" _ Oh." _

"We'll figure it out together, just like everything else. Just...the answer isn't to shut down."

Selka almost called him a hypocrite, he'd done it constantly. But she held her tongue, Kirito shutting down doesn't seem to be intentional, the way it is when Eugeo manages to do it.

"I know. It helped, though, I feel like I can think without running myself in circles now."

She looked up at Kirito, "I'm going to protect you two. I'm going to figure out how I can fight."

Kirito grabbed her hand, as if to preemptively ensure she was safe, fingers tightening around hers in worry and fear.

But the smile he gave her made her feel so praised and happy that she knew he would support her. Maybe differently from the way Eugeo had when she brought home her blade, but he wouldn't fight her. She felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She realized she thought she'd have to fight Kirito over this and now that she knew he was okay with it, she felt nothing but relief. 

"So, what exactly are you trying to do?"

This part she hadn't told Eugeo.

"Well at some point I'm going to break the seal on my eye-"

"Wh-Selka!"

She carried on as though he hadn't interrupted, "And then I'm going to create my own blade style."

His eyes were wide.

"You have your own, why can't I?" She questioned innocently, ignoring her brain screaming at her that blade styles were for noble houses and if sacred arts and bladework could be integrated seamlessly by someone other than an integrity knight it would have been  _ done already wouldn't it- _

She told her brain to shut up.

"Selka..that would be amazing."

"Wouldn't it? Especially since you suck at magic-ow, ow ok geez, you are inept- "

"Wow! And here I was about to offer to teach you the basics-"

"I'm sorry, please forgive me big brother, please teach me how to fight a piece of wood for months-"

"That's much be-"

"But please don't use it as some convoluted method of courting me as you have in the past, my heart is not for you, I'm saving it-"

" _ Gross,  _ get back here!"

Selka crashed back into their house, yelling that she was going to use the shower. 

"She's feeling better then?"

"Yeah, unfortunately."

Eugeo threw a piece of fruit at him. 

"Rude."

Selka was quiet for the next few weeks, but not listless as she had started. A response had come from Azariya and they had managed to repair Eugeo's eye. That was also the day she figured out how to use fire magic on her blade while it was dark.

Heat existed in these air so she could pull the element from there.

The downside was that the house was freezing until sunrise.

It was much better than when she figured out ice. Turns out drawing all the moisture from the air through steel was not recommended. She had to promise never to try that one again. 

Kirito forbid her from attempting anything lightning based. 

Eugeo told her if she and Kirito tried anything wind based, they'd regret it. 

The fact the Kirito didn't immediately understand why not to proved his point. 

Selka did not expect Kiroto's training to be so rough. She'd seen him when he started training Eugeo. He's let him eat dirt many times, of course, but he'd never mentioned how  _ long _ they trained for, how strenuous it was, especially after a morning of work. The look on Kirito's face dared her to complain but she refused.

Things were better. Kiriro's physical health had only kept improving since they'd left. Eugeo had somehow managed to avoid anyone seeing his eye and its mysterious regeneration. 

"You don't have a seal…"

"...figured," Kirito muttered to himself

Selka had been performing what could only count as stress experiments on herself and Kirito. She was currently huddled on the floor, hand pressing over her eye, Eugeo running a comforting hand through her hair.

"Selka, you have to be more careful…"

"Yeah… sorry I just feel like...I know it's there and I want it gone now."

In response he picks her up and deposits her back onto the couch.

"I know. Get some rest, okay?"

Eventually the night for the opening ceremony of the tournament comes and somehow an entire year had passed. 

Kirito feels anxious in a way he hadn't in a long while. Kirito and Eugeo would have to face each other in the tournament if they both wanted to go to 'sword school' as he'd started calling it. They planned to make a show of being evenly matched and tie the tournament. It was all moot if they didn't draw the correct sections on the bracket though. 

If only one of them could go it would have to be Eugeo. He and Selka would stay here and Eugeo would go off on his own. Kirito hated the idea of it. He didn't want to be seperated from Eugeo yet. Maybe not ever. 

"Kirito, what's wrong?"

The warm, worried look on his best friend's face solidified his want to stay with him. No one else was able to read him like this. He was a fantastic liar while his mouth was shut. He had quite a neutral expression.

"I'm ok, just thinking, " Kirito responded as he secured the blade he'd borrowed from the armoury to his hip.

"Well...if you need anything, I'm here.."

Kirito smiled as Eugeo leaned forward, fixing his tunic for him. Ever since he broke his seal, Eugeo had become inexplicably more touchy. Kirito quietly took a breath. Everything would be fine. He'd make sure of it.

"Geez Kirito, I keep telling you to hang your clothes to dry...then you wouldn't have this much trouble getting dressed."

Eugeo had said he was courting him almost a year ago and nothing had come of it. He went about as normal and Kirito was scared to research or ask him how it worked. Selka didn't think there was anything out of the ordinary so maybe it was Kirito who was missing something? He did say this was until he was able to tell the truth about his past, so maybe it would all start then? The day really was making Kirito feel unsettled. What if Eugeo leaves and they never figure out their randomly misplaced memories? They'll never figure out how Eugeo knew Kirito hated summer before it even hit, or why Selka knew exactly what Kirito and Eugeo would say to each other during harvest dinner, because 'I've heard you say it before...huh?'

Kirito is caught by how soft Eugeo's hair looks and gently runs a hand through it as he leans back. Eugeo's eyes are a little wide, his hands still tangled in Kirito's collar.

Kirito leans forward, their noses brush together, and their lips meet for a second, just one second, before Kirito quickly pulls back. 

"Oh, okay, um- I-"

He tried to take another step back but is held in place by Eugeo, who always surprised him with his strength at the worst moments. Kirito's face feels like it's on fire and hey, now he's anxious about something completely different. 

Eugeo makes a wondering noise before speaking "...w-well. Now I know we won't be immediately killed for that. Probably because neither of us have a seal on our eye."

Kirito avoids making eye contact with Eugeo.

"Kirito?"

"So-" 

"Don't apologize..I...didn't mind it. Aside from the fear that you'd killed us both."

"...scared I'm going to lose you."

"You won't."

"How would you know?"

"You won't.  _ Kirito _ . Look at me."

Kirito won't admit to the noise he makes. Eugeo has him backed against their bedroom door, the 3rd bedroom converted to a sort of library months prior. Eugeo's face is a little red, his hair a little out of place, but determined and stern as he stares Kirito down. He gently smooths down Kirito's clothing again, then fixes Kirito's hair. 

"I'm not going anywhere without you. If it comes down to it we'll find another way to the capital."

Kirito gives a small nod. 

Why does he always fall for the stubborn ones? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: the tourney  
I'm feeling real desperation trying not to go out of character.  
Sorry for the long break between updates. Life is, as usual, kicking my ass.


	4. Appraisal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tournament at Zakkaria.

The crowd for the tournament was large. It's the most people Kirito has seen gathered in one spot since entering the Underworld. 

The competitors were all stationed under a freshly swept wooden overhang. It was easy to tell the nobility apart, as they had pages to assist them. Kirito paid them no mind, starting at Eugeo cleaning his blade at the table. He rarely got to do the task at home so it was a great opportunity. Kirito forced his eyes away before someone caught him staring. If they figured out how well they knew each other there might be trouble. 

The blade that hung at his hip, though he'd borrowed it from the armory indefinitely, still felt alien. He felt confident that was his only handicap. Eugeo's voice in his head reminded him not to get too cocky. Anything could happen.

There was an empty bench so Kirito decided to take a seat until it was his turn. Bracket drawing had gone well, he and Eugeo were on opposite brackets.

The only issue was that Kirito could not get his mind off Eugeo. He needed to focus. His fear that they would fight each other and one of them would have to lose early was gone, they could fight their way through without regret. He took a deep breath. How old was he now...almost twenty? And he was this flustered from a tiny kiss. From someone who  _ liked him _ in any case. He hadn't been like this with Asuna. He felt his hands sweating. Eugeo had said he was courting him but maybe he'd given up on that? Decided Kirito was a lot of work? 

All that aside there was also the issue that he’d almost gotten them in a ton of trouble with his impulsiveness in kissing Eugeo. To his credit he’d wanted to for over a year, and for him having that much self control was a miracle. He had been informed what happened when someone broke a Taboo and somehow Rath had managed a world so backwards two people of the same gender were not allowed to do...anything together really. He didn’t even try to get into the semantics of whether they were referring to gender and sex as the same - which wouldn’t surprise him - or if gender was the only thing that mattered. If the latter then he had  _ many _ more questions about how they’d made steps forward and backward at the same damn time. 

Maybe it was because of his account? The fact that he was unsure how he was logged in to the Underworld. Was his user within the cube just his regular login within the Seed or was this a copy, altered so that he would have a proper Underworld ID? How did the world even identify users? 

It was likely he was an anomaly because of the cubes, he was a living human, hopefully, on the other side and since he was not a soul within a lightcube, he could not be tracked by the world’s administrative system which was just a bunch of floating heads. And Eugeo had basically severed his connection. Which could be dangerous in other ways.

To put it shortly, Kirito’s brain was running a mile a minute.

_ Enough, me. I'll think after the tournament. _

To Kirito's relief, Eugeo fought his way up the ladder easily. He really  _ was  _ talented.

They stood across from each other on the dirt field. Kirito pulled his blade from its scabbard, doing his best to keep his face neutral, "Eugeo, let's have a good duel, yeah?"

The crowd was loud, excited for the tournament to be over.

"Kirito.." Kirito's eyes snapped to Eugeo's, "Yeah. Let's."

Eugeo looked shifty, his face undeniably flushed. Kirito felt irritation flare up in him, hadn't he started this whole thing, why was  _ he _ embarrassed after he’d claimed he was going to court Kirito?

"...Yuu…" Kirito called warningly, guessing that his friend was about to irritate him beyond reason.

"If I win, Kirito-"

But then the start of the match was signalled and Kirito didn't get to hear Eugeo's bet.

"If you win, what?!"

Their blades clanked against each other. They had practiced this whole fight for months. It was almost completely choreographed but no one would realize.

Eugeo, infuriatingly enough, laughed, "Then I get payback from you for-" Kirito wordlessly shouted at him as he elbows him in the gut, trying to get him to shut up.

"This morning,  _ honestly _ , you have terrible timing."

Eugeo spins around him, tapping him with the back of his blade in retaliation.

" _ Me?!" _

Luckily for them it all sounds like wordless shouting to the crowd.

"I waited a whole  _ year- _ "

Kirito aims an easy to block swing at Eugeo's front.

Eugeo's returning smile was almost terrifying and before Kirito knew it he was on the floor. It was dead silent for a moment. Kirito's heart was trying to pound it's way out of it's chest and there was something almost ethereal about Eugeo in that moment, hanging above him. His eyes were as bright as has blade as they reflected the midday sol.

"Do you yield?" The question rang clearly through the air, above everything else, but Kirito was up and out of the precarious position before he knew it.

"Of course not."

The fight dragged on, until eventually they were barely able to lift their blades.

Each swing felt like the gigas tree all over again and they were more tired than they'd been since the start of their journey. They matched each other movement for movement, any time gained ground or seemed to be gaining advantage, the other would push back equally hard. The crowd was almost silent at that point, many spectators even wearing a look of worry. Sword fighting while exhausted could lead to injuries, and no one had attended to witness that. Yet they couldn’t look away, the fight was too much to miss.

"Halt!"

They'd fought through the time limit. Now hopefully what they thought would happen….would happen.

"All rise! This year we have two new winners, and thus, two new acceptances to the school! Kirito and Eugeo! Evenly matched rivals, clearly determined not to let the other win- hopefully they will lift each other to further heights!"

Both crash to the ground, swords forgotten. Kirito shook uncontrollably, almost unable to breathe, and Eugeo nearby had thrown up, both laughing at each other through the pain. The announcer winced in sympathy, their fight had lasted almost an hour. They hear someone shout for a healer but the sun had already set. The church healer stood uselessly nearby, wringing their hands. 

"-me, Excuse me."

"What do you think you're doing, miss?"

She gave the medic a fierce glare, as she quickly ran an eye over the two. Eugeo motioned over to Kirito.

She patted him on the back before whispering, "You could've just saved some time and knocked each other out."

"Then he...would..have  _ won _ ."

"Miss, what do you think you're doing, the sun has set, you can't perform any-"

She made a disgusted noise as she redirected oxygen from the air around them to Kirito's body, pressing down on his chest to help his lungs expand.

The healer made a surprised noise before running off.

"Is Eugeo ok…?"

"Yeah he only threw up twice. You two are so stupid. No one won anyway."

She looked around, spotting a patch of greenery.

"Can you carry him over there?"

Kirito grunted in response, struggling to lift him.

"I don't think I'm ever going to move again…..who won?"

"No one Eugeo. Both of you? What is  _ wrong _ with you two today? Drop him there."

Kirito gently lowers him to the ground before collapsing to the ground himself.

"It wasn't me. Eugeo started it. He said he wanted payback if he won. Why would I let him win?

Selka cast an art, redirecting the water in the soil from the plants to Eugeo's muscles.

"You still need to drink water, eat, do some breathing. You're both stupid."

"But if you  _ had  _ to pick a winner…"

Selka scowled as she looked them both up and down. Kirito was covered in scratches and bruises. Eugeo, not as much...which means Kirito had better control over his attacks.."Eugeo. He looks less hurt."

"What?!"

She wasn't going to inflate his ego.

Plus it was worth it to see the rare, huge, smile on Eugeo's face.

Kirito probably thought so too, as he didn't whine too much.

"Why were you so insisting on winning anyway? It was supposed to be a tie, otherwise…"

Eugeo's smile turned sheepish as he sat up and pulled some dirt out of his hair. He took his time and dusted off his pants.

He didn't answer.

"Hello? Eugeo-kun?"

He seemed almost anxious as he fixed his blue sword onto his belt.

"Hm?"

"Why'd you want to win?"

He glanced towards Selka without answering and then back towards the ground, all with a small embarrassed smile. Selka was getting a bit of a feeling and felt like she should make herself scarce. She reached up and gave a bleary eyed Kirito two firm pats on the shoulder and then sped ahead of them up the road. They were away from the prying eyes of the crowd and Selka had their recommendations to the school so they'd be fine.

The tournament wasn't held in town, so Eugeo walked them far off the path, Kirito following along obediently. Eventually they couldn't even see Zakkaria or hear the crowd. No one came this way because there were no villages or anything really out in the direction they'd headed.

"Eugeo?"

Kirito completely lost his center of balance as Eugeo spun him by the arm pinning him to a tree with one hand.

"Huh. I guess I finally figured out how you disarm people so easily…"

Kirito gave a slightly terrified noise and Eugeo couldn't help but think it was cute.

"Um, Y-yuu, what did you...want…?"

Eugeo also thought it was cute that his nickname now only slipped out when Kirito's guard was completely down.

The black haired swordsman realized he couldn't move and let out a little sigh and leaned back against the tree, eyes almost closed. Eugeo's legs were almost intertwined with his own and the heat of his upper body was relaxing him enough to let him sleep where he stood. He knew Eugeo wouldn't hurt him, and he was almost too tired to care what was going on.

"Kirito?"

"...yeah?"

Kirito felt the brush of hair against his forehead, and warm air caressed his cheek before a pair of soft lips were pressed against his own. Kirito felt his eyes slip completely shut of their own accord and his hand rose to drag Eugeo closer. Eugeo pulls away too quickly for his tastes and he tries to pull him back down to no avail.

"Ah! Um. That was what I wanted."

The words were spoken quietly, the two still just centimetres apart. 

"Yeah, I figured that out."

A hand presses against his cheek and Kirito is gifted with a beautifully red faced Eugeo, with a smile so small, so honest, it cuts Kirito in half. He's never wanted to keep something safe so badly.

"Kirito?"

"Yeah?"

"I was scared to start um...what I'd talked about before - last year.. You seemed scared. But... I'm going to court you for real now, okay?"

"...yeah, alright. Anything, Eugeo. Anything for you."

Eugeo hides his face in Kirito's collar, muffled, "Honestly...please, you can't just  _ say _ things like that."

"Just don't get us arrested or something."

"...yeah, alright."

"...where'd Selka go?"

"She said she didn't want to deal with us and ran home."

"Oh. Fair."

They made it home not terribly long after, Selka resting on the sofa. Luckily, Kirito had bought groceries in the morning. Most of the market had closed down for the night because everyone wanted to see the tournament.

The two had actually been stopped. People gossiped and basically everyone knew the three of them lived together and that Eugeo and Kirito trained together. The part that almost made Kirito start laughing was when someone told them about how moved they were by their healthy rivalry. How even though they were competing with each other, every day, they still made sure they were healthy and they even took care of the younger girl they lived with.

Eugeo had elbowed him particularly hard, answering the neighbor with a smile.

They really didn't know, Selka was basically the reason they were both still alive. They tried to take care of her, but she was better at  _ everything _ .

Eugeo leaned over the back of the sofa to brush her hair aside. He was happy to see she hadn't over exerted herself healing them. No fever. She was just a little tired. He let out a relieved huff of air. 

"Yuu…" she mumbled, "Sel, go ahead and take a nap, we'll make you something to eat, okay?"

She grabbed his hand with both of hers, squeezing it, "You're okay?"

"Thanks to you. You're amazing, you know that right?"

She fell asleep quickly, releasing her hold on Eugeo.

Kirito hid a smile before Eugeo could see it and snuck up the stairs to change and quickly wash off. The other was so sweet with Selka now, a far cry from how awkward he'd seemed even being near her back in Rulid.

She was so much like Sugu it hurt sometimes. 

Kirito tried not to think about it too much lately, there was no way for him to know how much time had passed. There was no way for him to know what was going on. He had a feeling he truly  _ wasn't  _ supposed to know that he wasn't just an Underworld resident, that he wasn’t supposed to have his memories while he was down here, however they had implanted him in the Underworld.. So he had resolved to just...do his best. It's all he had. Eugeo and Selka and Alice were all he had. He knew Alice at least would understand even if the other two would try to convince him he had more than that.

The fact that he believed that of her without a doubt also convinced him. He had to find out what happened to her. He had to find out where these memories were coming from.

"Ow! Why'd you pinch me?"

"You two don't get to say ow to anything anymore after that spectacle today. Your face says ' _ I'm thinking really hard about something' _ . What's wrong?"

Eugeo looked up from his reading.

"Nothing. Just thinking."

She stared at him.

"Really! Just thinking. We're leaving this place soon...I'm going to miss it. I really liked it here…"

Not exactly what he was thinking about but it was true. There were few places that Kirito really grew attached to. He was grateful to stay at the church in Rulid, but this place was  _ theirs _ .

"Yeah...I really liked it too...it felt like we were family.." Selka's voice wavered, as if scared to admit the thought.

Kirito ruffled her hair, "We'll be family, no matter where we go."

Eugeo hid a smile, sometimes he felt this inexplicable jealousy of Selka and how close she could get to Kirito, how comfortable he was with her, but all he could think was what a good brother he would have made to her when they were younger.

"How about we buy it?"

The question was out of Eugeo's mouth before he'd finished thinking it, "Oh...maybe not now but we'll likely have money if we make it as swordsmen...we could probably...just...buy it?"

Selka ran across the room to hug him.

The next few days were busy, letting the landlords know they'd be leaving once spring came, preparing for their journey, and planning where and what exactly Selka would do while they were in the capital. 

"I'll actually be attending...I was… scouted. They saw me healing you two."

Their goal of the central cathedral was looking more and more possible. 

Eventually the weather warned and it was time for them to say goodbye to Zakkaria.

The journey was just one week, and the three were shocked upon arriving. The capital was enormous. Eugeo pulled at his sleeves self consciously as he saw how rich everyone was. 

They parted with Selka at the entrance to the dorms. 

Kirito couldn't help but keep looking back to make sure she was just walking up the stairs alright, they hadn't been parted from her for a long time.

"She'll be okay," Eugeo whispered to him. He pouted a bit and tried not to worry. 

Their dorm room was  _ huge _ . Far bigger than anything Kirito thought he'd get in Tokyo.

Eugeo was trying to hide his shock, but as soon as their guide left he was exploring everything. They had their own bath. Again. There were two desks so they wouldn't have to split their time.

Kirito immediately flopped onto one of the beds.

"Ah. Even the bed feels expensive."

"Don't let any of our noble classmates hear you saying that."

"Right. We get to be the poor kids."

Eugeo hummed in agreement, "Make sure to watch your temper, I'm sure someone will say something."

Kirito eyed Eugeo shrewdly, thinking, if anyone would lose their temper it was likely Eugeo. 

They made their way downstairs as instructed, there was a ceremony of sorts in the town square for new students that night. As they were leaving through the main doors, a voice stopped them.

"Ah you two. Kyle and….Eric, was it?"

"Kirito...and Eugeo."

The two were wearing extraordinarily gaudy clothing and Kirito almost laughed at the disgusted look on Eugeo's face. Of course the two, clearly high nobles, spoke right through it.

"Right. Right," Eugeo recognized them from the tournament in Zakkaria, "We just wanted to greet you. It's good I suppose, that commoners like yourselves could get in to this esteemed academy without working for it, and playing swords like...clowns. I suppose to each their own."

Kirito could almost hear what Eugeo was about to say. 

_ Don't do it. Don't say "Didn't we beat both of you?" I will really start laughing. _

"My apologies, sers, if our existence is disturbing you. We'll avoid doing so and make our way to the ceremony apart from you."

The two share a look before giving the most disgusting smile Kirito has seen in the underworld. Eugeo bows, and really, Kirito wonders where he learned all this before following a second later with a shallow bow of his own. He's glad he didn't have to speak through the entire encounter. Eugeo may have been more likely to get angry but Kirito was definitely more likely to say something he shouldn't.

When they are up the road and out of sight and more importantly, unable to be heard, Eugeo lets out a laugh. 

"I had  _ no _ idea what I was talking about."

Kirito snorts, "Could have gone worse."

"Yeah,  _ you _ could've tried bullshitting them."

"Excuse me, Ser Eugeo, I am the master of bullshit."

They both burst into laughter. They poke their heads into shops as they approach the square, Eugeo especially taken with one of the bakeries on the main road from smell alone.

They are about to turn on to the square when a hand pulls on the edge of Eugeo's coat.

"Selka?" She looks as though she'd run all the way to catch up to them. Her hair was a mess and she looked like she'd hastily thrown on her clothes.

"What's wrong?"

"Please, I need you to pretend to be my brother for today,"

Eugeo, startled, nodded, "But everyone has access to the records...oh. Except not yours, because your dad is a chief."

Members of the church, strangely enough were protected more than the regular public in terms of privacy.

"...It's fine, but what's wrong?"

She grimaced, running a hand through her hair, "Females...are insane. They swarmed me asking why and how I knew you two and...they probably think," her next words were mumbled.

"Huh?" She beckoned for them to lean closer.

"They...they probably think we have quite the intimate relationship…" she was red to the tip of her ears and this time Eugeo's look of disgust made Kirito laugh so hard tears came to his eyes.

"That's, haha, absolutely ridiculous,"

" _ We _ know that, but I'm always the odd one out aren't I," she whined, "Besides they'll never figure out you two are- well. Something. If I say one of you is my brother."

Eugeo and Kirito shared a look, "Don't worry Selka, I'm a  _ great  _ liar. Regardless of what Eugeo thinks."

"Yeah. Ok, I'll be your brother."

"Selka?"

She'd finally released her death grip on Eugeo, glancing at Kirito, "Yeah?"

"You know we think of you like our little sister anyway, right? Regardless of blood?"

She fidgeted, looking down at the ground before seemingly making a decision and wrapping her arms around both of their waists.

" _ Thank you. _ "

She held their hands as they walked towards the stage and refused to let go of Eugeo for more than a few seconds throughout the speeches.

She only let go when they arrived back at the dorms.

"Selka, will you be okay?" Eugeo asked. He couldn't help but worry, Selka usually was never so clingy, especially not with him. Usually it was Kirito, and the blonde didn't think she thought as highly of him as she did Kirito. 

"I'll...I'll be alright. If my roommate tries anything..um...I'll do what I did to Kiri that one time. With the bath."

"Oh Stacia, don't remind me."

"As long as you're safe. Be careful."

Selka crept back up to her room. She knew this was going to be rough. socially, she'd gotten in by recommendation after all. She wasn't used to being apart from Kirito and Eugeo anymore. And for some reason the fact she found the most irritating was that someone had pulled on her hair.

Silly but the small act of disrespect had her fuming. She blamed it on the boys for always complimenting her looks, her skin was a lot thinner to such things now.

She shared a room with 3 other girls. They, luckily, had seemed polite and nice, especially for nobles.

Night passed and Sol rose without incident and she counted herself lucky. She bid her roommates good morning and declined their invite to breakfast.

"Um, sorry, I have to go meet my brother. He seemed worried last night so…"

"Oh! The pretty blonde haired boy??"

_ If only Eugeo knew how many people called him pretty. _

The tone of the conversation sounded too interested and she escaped before any uncomfortable questions arose. She almost laughed, Eugeo only had eyes for one person at this point.

She wondered if all girls were as crazy as those she'd encountered at the academy.

Kirito ruffled her hair, "Morning, Sel."

"Morning. Cut my hair for me tonight, please."

Eugeo, sounding distressed, "Why? You have nice hair...did someone say something-"

"I just thought a change might be nice. A short style?"

Eugeo and Kirito shared a glance and she almost snapped out that they weren't her parents and she could cut it herself, but Kirito gently rearranged her hair, one hand holding a chunk of it back, "Something like this, you think?" She pouted, she couldn’t tell what style Kirito was showing, "Yeah, that could be cute.."

"Ok Selka, we'll meet you at the doors later today. Now. I am starving."

They didn't meet each other's eyes as they ate but they were all thinking the same thing.

_ We can cook better than this _

The meal passed quietly between Selka who was deep in thought, Eugeo's head in his book, and Kirito who was still half asleep.

The latter quickly woke up as he heard two voices too close. He cursed under his breath only to be reprimanded by light smacks from either side of him.

"So the rumors are true, not only do the two country boys stick together but you share this..girl," the word girl was said like an insult and Eugeo felt anger bubble up his throat, "between you two."

Kirito squeezes Eugeo's wrist before standing with his tray, "It is more appropriate for us the socialize with our own, isn't it?"

The blonde noble makes an obnoxious noise, “At least you know your place.”

Kirito boldly rolls his eyes as they walk away, muttering another curse under his breath.

Selka is wide eyed and looks almost fearful when she next speaks, “Yup. Definitely cutting my hair. I absolutely do not want to conform to  _ that _ .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All this time and we're at episode seven. Just episode seven. Things will speed up from here though. I'm definitely not following the canon time dilation between the Underworld and the real world. I think canon is 1000x1? We're doing something like 1500x1. Also Eugeo is both more thirsty than he ever thought he'd be and extremely shy. Guess that's what happens when you break your own brainwashing. Happy New Year and thanks for hanging around!


	5. Dissonance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of things happen and we don't actually get to see them in school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Bullying

There were three things Eugeo noticed in his first month.

The first thing Eugeo noticed about the academy was the almost tangible pure  _ elitism _ that suffocated the air. It wasn't always bad in intent. Students who would complain about things that people from Rulid would do anything to have. The water in the baths weren't hot enough, the cleansing used for the laundry didn't smell floral enough.

The small things added to irritation Eugeo usually did rather well to shove down. Shouldn't people be more grateful for what they had? And what was impossible for most people to even attain? He'd let such thoughts flow like water and let them go. It wasn't worth getting upset over, rather, it wasn't something someone of Eugeo's standing could hope to even begin to change.

He kept his head down when going to and from class, and stuck to his age old tradition of only speaking when spoken to.

The second thing he noticed was how absolutely crowded the capital was all of the time. Back in Zakkaria when he was feeling overwhelmed there was always a quiet spot for him to find, and when he was feeling distant it wasn't hard to find somewhere lively to sit in town. The capital was none of that, it was just a mass of people, all a little rude and a little ignorant of each other.

He supposed he was feeling a little homesick.

The dorms were his haven and where he felt most secure.

Specifically the rooms he shared with Kirito that were almost a third the size of their home in Zakkaria.

He was seeing a side of Kirito that he hadn't seen before as well. He had started decorating. He'd bring something small back every time he went somewhere. When they were on the road they didn't have any type of permanent residence. And in Zakkaria the home wasn't technically theirs. But here in the academy's dorms? Kirito seemed to be going a bit wild.

Eugeo didn't want to stop him though.

The first thing he'd come back with was the silliest pillow with small blue birds sown onto it that he'd haphazardly thrown onto the sofa.

When Eugeo asked, Kirito explained that if Eugeo was going to fall asleep on the chair constantly he should at least be comfortable.

Then there was a scarf, the nights were sometimes chilly. 

Eugeo had begun slipping money into Kirito's pockets at that point.  _ He _ was supposed to be giving gifts, not Kirito.

Then Kirito realized there was a plot of land for the students out back. He'd immediately started experimenting and he claimed there wasn't enough space and their rooms were slowly being filled with vases of various flowers.

Eugeo, at that point, had to admit how cute it was that Kirito bad become so domesticated so quickly.

No one at the academy would believe the same trainee had coached Eugeo so hard he almost cried just months ago. And Selka refused to even talk about her training sessions.

But once Eugeo left the company of either Kirito or Selka or the safety of their rooms, he felt like he'd regressed back to who he was in Rulid. Quiet, unassuming, and lonely, with no idea how to move forward.

The third thing he couldn't stand were all the rules. 

There were school rules and rules for behavior with nobles and church rules. Now that he'd broken the seal on his eye he could see small bits of the narrow mindedness it enforced without any care for those who used loopholes to their advantage. 

Eugeo hated breaking rules. But this time he also hated the sheer number of contradictory, petty rules that existed. It was so much trouble to watch every single word he said. So this was yet another reason for him to lay low. Kirito didn't bother, he'd already snuck out once to a place they'd spied during orientation and almost got caught by the house mother. Eugeo was fully willing to admit he was jealous, both at the lost time with his friend, and that he went without him.

With such thoughts on his mind he sat at his desk with his text. The three of them really were far beyond the content they were teaching. Especially Selka. She actually had given up studying she was so far ahead.

Eugeo had planned a gift for Kirito, part of his grand plan to get him to spill his mysterious history, partially a thank you, but the other was nowhere to be seen.

This state of things found Eugeo, two months into their rightfully earned education, holed up in his bedroom on his precious day off, reading, and eventually, napping.

Kirito, regardless of what those from the real world thought of him, was in love with the idea of being able to explore and refused to let silly school rules stop him.

At home he always went straight home after school or did a little shopping on his own before holing up in his room. It was only recently that he'd started going out with people and exploring the neighborhood near his school. And Kirito was careful about not praising anything about his time in SAO but he truly missed the freedom he had.

In other words there was no way he  _ wasn't  _ going to run around the city. 

He knew his rampant rulebreaking was annoying Eugeo a little so he tried tk be quiet about it. He didn't buy anything he needed to bring home, and he tried to be quiet about when he came in. But there were some things he saw that were just perfect for his friend and he couldn't help himself.

This time he snuck back in through the kitchens. He'd been running hot for months now, and the temperature inside the dorms were almost unbearable in the mornings when he was already warm from sleeping. So he liked to go for walks to cool down. The sneaking wasn't particularly necessary since it was a day off but it was noon, which meant it was crowded and he didn't want to run into anyone with his current treasure.

He'd tried out dozens of pastries trying to find one that was just right and today he finally did.

He dropped a small bag of the sweets off with Selka, for her to enjoy with her roommates before quickly walking back to his own rooms.

He didn't find Eugeo in their center room, where he expected him to be, as he locked the door.

"Eugeo?" He called quietly as he walked over to the other's door, paper bag behind his back. He knocked, but the door was unlocked and it swung open. From what Kirito could see, the other was asleep, the book he was reading open near his chest.

"...aw." 

Kirito moved to sit unreservedly on his bed, jostling him. Eugeo made a small noise in protest, clearly waking up from the intrusion. He curled smaller, as if that would make him invisible and Kirito pulled a pastry from the bag, waving it in front of the blonde's nose.

"How sad, Eugeo-kun won't wake up and I have this huge bag of souvenirs from my outing, whatever shall I-  _ oof. _ "

Kirito was pushed off the bed as Eugeo sat up to steal the bag from him, already inspecting the contents.

"Kirito! Where are these from?" He already had one in his mouth, "Stacia, they taste great...thanks!"

Kirito rolled his eyes as he flopped his arms and head back onto the bed, the rest of him on the floor, "You're welcome, Trainee Eugeo."

The smile Eugeo gave was blinding to Kirito.

His mouth was full as he thanked Kirito again before his eyes widened, "These taste…" Kirito was almost bouncing in excitement, "exactly like the honey pies...from Rulid? How? Where's your coat?"

"No clue, maybe the baker back home trained here? Either way I had to have you try these!"

"...really. Thanks Kirito...I thought I was going crazy for missing home…"

"Why wouldn't you? It's all stiff here, it's nothing like Zakkaria and you lived in Rulid your whole life. I miss it too to be honest. Our simple lives as woodcutters...practically free food every day…"

"Kirito!"

He laughed as Eugeo kicked him out, saying he'd be out as well in a moment.

When Eugeo did come out he looked embarrassed, one hand hidden behind his back as he placed the other with the rest of the sweets on the table.

"Kirito…?"

Kirito's eyes narrowed, he wasn't sure if what Eugeo was about to pull would be good for him.

"Don't give me that look! You've given me tons of stuff since we've gotten here and it's made me really happy...not that I'm  _ not _ happy even if you don't give me stuff but- oh my god Eugeo shut up-"

Fondly, Kirito interrupted, "Deep breath?"

Eugeo inhaled and exhaled loudly, "Here!" Before slapping a small box against Kirito's chest and sprinting back to his room, grabbing one more pie from the bag and slamming his door shut, lock sliding into place.

"...huh?"

Kirito looks down at the velvet pouch he held. He sits down, gently opening the bag to reveal a thinly braided necklace with a small, almost flat piece of glass on the end. Within the glass was a pattern of red and blue crystals. Kirito opened a Stacia window. It's priority was equal to that of even Eugeo's blade and just as he wondered if his friend had been sneaking out as well, he spied a note in the bag.

** _Firstly, I offer you my Life. _ **

** _You may do with it as you wish._ **

Kirito's eyes widen as he reads the note, was this what the courtship entailed? He hadn't done too much reading on it and Eugeo actually seemed pleased with his lack of initiative on the topic since the tournament but- wasn't he starting pretty big?

Kirito was unsure what it meant anyway. He carefully put the necklace on, something about the shimmering crystal enchanting him as he tucked it under his tunic. What did Eugeo mean by offering him his life? With knights that was an act of fealty but with this?

Kirito decided he should put it aside for now. Perhaps if Eugeo gave him something else there would be a clue.

Kirito found himself in front of Eugeo's door. Like he would give up that easily.

"Eugeooo open the door! What does that note mean anyway?"

"No!"

"Are you embarrassed? You started this! See it through you coward!"

"I'm absolutely embarrassed, use your brain you dunce!"

And with that the sounds from the other side grew silent.

"....there's another pie left in the bag."

_ He can't be this easy. My best friend would never lose a battle over… _

The door creaked open, revealing a flushed Eugeo with the same book from before under his arm.

He strolled from his cover with no shame and sat.

Kirito stared.

"Just because I came out doesn't mean I'm explaining or saying anything."

"Fine. Be Mr Mysterious."

Eventually the pair quieted down. Eugeo had gone back to his book while Kirito sat on a chair further away, reading with the pendant held absently in his hand. 

Eugeo glanced over every few minutes, his embarrassment clear every time he spotted Kirito running the glass across his fingers. He had forgotten how fidgety the other could get. 

Little did Kirito know that a little after they entered the school, Selka and Eugeo had finalized a project they'd been working on. A sacred art to create a piece of yourself. If you opened it's Stacia window it would have it's own Life, priority, access, but in reality the item would come from three things. A medium, in this case, ice created by Eugeo's blade, some of Eugeo's Life - his blood - and the will of it's maker. Eugeo imbued it with the idea of 'protection'. He thought anything else would be too subjective. And all of that was what Kirito was absently running his fingers over, probably not yet realizing that he literally held Eugeo's Life in his hands. Unfortunately Eugeo did the whole process alone, a reckless and dangerous act, but he wanted it to be perfect, with no other feelings muddling it.

A knock sounded at the door startling them both as the visitor immediately burst in. 

"Kirito! Thanks for the treats they were delicious, the-uh… "

She seems to pause as she spies the necklace, then gives a fierce look to Eugeo. He gives one of his 'I didn't do anything' smiles back.

Kirito gently tucks the pendant back into his shirt. 

"I'm supposed to be your witness. "

Eugeo tries to blend in with the sofa. 

His voice is a little strained and quiet as he replies with one weak word, "Sorry."

Selka walks over to Kirito, and he lets her examine the gift. Her eyes widen and her expression is one Kirito has never seen on the girl's face, "I'm guessing it...went well?"

Eugeo doesn't answer and Kirito is willing to admit he's a bit lost in the conversation.

"Eugeo did great," he interjects with false confidence. 

"His note?"

Selka's hands are shaking as she reads the short two lines. 

"And you accepted his offer? "

By then Kirito realized this was supposed to be a part of the original giving so he merely nodded. Eugeo buried his face in his book further. 

"Eugeo… you really don't know how to take it easy do you?"

He muttered under his breath, seeming to tire of Selka's scrutiny as she sat next to him, wrapping her arms around his waist, "...it was just a little."

In reality it was around four percent of his Life, a large amount for most to have removed.

"Careful."

Kirito decided he wouldn't ask any questions right then. He had the feeling Selka might get mad at Eugeo. He'd research it later.

Kirito didn't have to wait long to find out.

Later that night Eugeo got over his most recent bout of shyness.

"Hey, Kirito?"

"Yeah?"

"Tomorrow wanna go explore together? I don't think I can stand to be in the dorms again. I was thinking we could go south this time."

"Sounds good," and it really did to Kirito, he'd wanted to go out with Eugeo for days.

"Um.." The blonde's tone caught his full attention, "About that necklace it's...hm…"

"Spit it out already, you and Selka have made me so curious I might lose it."

He watched Eugeo take a deep breath before talking.

"That crystal is actually a piece of the...bluerosesword….and there's some of my Life in it...it's an old wive's tale to keep their …...safe...for safety. It's a protective charm. So don't break it."

What came from Eugeo's mouth was so absurd that Kirito, who could usually understand scientific explanations from any angle, could only answer with, "...what?"

_ Hold on Eugeo, there seems to be a bunch missing from that explanation… _

"Is this your...blood...then?" Kirito didn't know exactly how to feel right then but all day since Eugeo had gotten the necklace he'd felt warm and protected and  _ safe _ , "Oh."

_ He gave me a piece of him. He offered his Life. That's both poetic and insane. Eugeo...Asuna...why are the people I get crushes on like this? _

"You look...distressed."

"Of course I do? I mean...of course-"

"It's not that much. Ugh. Geez. Look, open up my Stacia window?"

Kirito automatically lifts his hand but pauses, "Is it...okay?"

"I just gave you permission didn't I?"

"Ah, you did, didn't you…"

In that moment Kirito realized he had truly become a resident of the Underworld. He felt an icy fear at the fact that Eugeo had ripped part of his own life. The fact that he even understood the significance of the action. And the fact that the whole thing made him feel opening the other's Stacia window was rather intimate. He opened it to see...nothing much different from the last time Eugeo had let him peek?

"It's still a part of me, see? So...be gentle with it I suppose. I kind of expected you to understand sooner? You're usually pretty quick with things like this."

_ Was that a compliment or an insult, Eugeo? Even I can't logic up something like this.. _

The thought passed as Kirito continued to stare at Eugeo, at Eugeo's Stacia window, then at Eugeo again, "You know this side of you isn't cute at all…I wasn't expecting  _ this _ as a present.."

Eugeo's face looks slightly cold as he seems to brace for rejection, "Too much then? I understand if you don't want to keep it. It's a bit...I guess disgusting in a way- if you keep that then I'm basically with you all the time..I  _ can _ take it back...though my sword might have some issues with that..."

_ Why would I find that disgusting? _

"No! Uh- No. No I don't mind. It's a nice gift. Actually I don't think anyone's ever given me anything that means this much."

Kirito, to his horror, heard his voice crack, "You remembered how much I hate being alone...and made it so I never would be."

"You always have been a crybaby when you're on your own."

Eugeo's tone wasn't mocking at all, he seemed to be looking at Kirito with a serious expression. 

He could feel the necklace pulse in tandem with Eugeo's strong feelings as he kneeled before Kirito's chair taking one of his hands in his own.  _ He feels this strongly...about me? _

"I offer you my Life, to do with as you please," he presses his forehead to the back of Kirito's hand. Kirito swallows, closing Eugeo's Stacia window. 

"I accept," Kirito says breathlessly, finally finding the guts to move as he slid off the chair and onto the floor, wrapping Eugeo in a tight hug. He usually didn't understand what to do or how to act when people showed exactly how much they cared about him. He knew they cared, he just...found it hard to respond in kind, there were still doubts. He still felt he could do something to ruin things, whether it be family or friends, or even with Asuna.

But at that moment he could feel the truth in Eugeo's statement through the small yet precious piece of him that lay in the pendant, created by his own blade.

They sat like that for a long while after.

At dinner Selka stared and continued to stare even as she shoveled food into her mouth. 

"What's wrong, " Eugeo asked her. 

She took her time and finished chewing, "I've never ever seen Kirito like this before."

"What? I'm just eating?"

Eugeo looks away from both of them, abandoning Kirito to the wolf.

"You too? Eugeo-" Kirito cuts off with a groan of pain as Eugeo stomps on his foot.

The pendant tells him he's amused.

Selka finally rips her eyes away from her friend to look at Eugeo.

_ Kirito is observant with everything but himself. I wonder when he's going to notice he's completely fallen for Eugeo and this courtship isn't even necessary?  _

From the satisfied expression on Eugeo's face he'd clearly realized something, but was still going on with courting him just to get whatever Kirito's fake amnesia was out into the open.

Which was fair. Kirito had told her he didn't think it was fair that he was hiding things and Eugeo just let him.

_ But really Kirito, we can only take this self sacrificing bit for so long. We both know you'd only hide something so big for our sakes at this point. _

Kirito was worried. 

At this point he was certain he remembered too much about the Underworld. There was no logical reason for Rath to force him to dive into a world where he would subjectively live for years and know about the real world. And further, his body was worrying him.

He was sure if he was going to die from the paralytic, he would have died already, but the lack of surety was driving him crazy.

First the disorientation for weeks, then his heart actually stopping while he was in the Underworld. Why could he feel any of it? He wasn't supposed to feel anything of his body while diving.

His only guess was the acceleration rate. It was too high for his brain to handle on top of recovery even with his forcefully developed affinity for VR based machinery.

And now, over a year later, this. He had been running a slight fever for a few days. He had been running warmer than usual for months. Since Zakkaria. He had gone to see a doctor in order to avoid worrying Selka and Eugeo but the medication did nothing, which meant it was something with his actual body.

Which meant he could only hope they figured it out soon and do whatever he could to be comfortable. He'd only found two solutions: wear less, and move less.

There was something inherently frustrating about having to leave all of his health in another person's hands.

Such thoughts led Kirito to an uneasy rest.

When he woke up in the morning feeling sweaty but infinitely cooler and healthier with no explanation for the months of discomfort, he almost screamed in frustration.

Now he would have to worry about if he had to deal with any more health issues.

He stabbed at his breakfast, eating angrily.

The charm Eugeo had gifted him with grew the tiniest bit warmer.

_ It's like a Eugeo detector… _

"Morning, Kirito!"

Kirito grunts a hello back.

"Geez. Sleep badly?"

Kirito scowls, "You don't wanna know."

Kirito took a calming breath as he sat with Eugeo.

"Selka's late," Kirito murmured a few minutes later. 

"I… don't really see her sleeping in, not here."

"...I'll go check her dorm."

"I'll check downstairs."

They walked in opposite directions. The two weren't worried about Selka being hurt - to do so was taboo after all. But they were worried.

Kirito made it to the girls' wing in record time. No one gave him a second look, he'd been in often enough to check on Selka and the majority of the female student body had deemed him harmless, safe, and a good source of snacks. In addition, his presence had made most of them ease up on hazing Selka. So when he asked them if they'd seen her for the morning, he believed them when they said she'd headed downstairs.

He retraced is path down the two flights of stairs to the main entrance. Sol's light reflected against the staircase banister and freshly waxed floors, the flash of light into Kirito's eyes had him notice two things. Nobles Raios and Humbert had not bothered them at all for the morning, and the heat he could feel from his Eugeo detector was anger.

He sped up, trying not to look too much in a hurry in front of the small crowd of students mingling before classes. He didn't want to cause a scene. 

Sixty seconds too many passed before Kirito arrived at what he recalled to be the small stadium.

Voices filtered from the lower entrance. 

"-humbly refuse. I wouldn't want to take up a-any further of your precious time after all…"

Eugeo's expression was almost uncomprehending.

"So polite, young Selka,  _ we _ are the ones offering to help you train, what right do you have to refuse?"

Humbert lifted an eyebrow as he approached the two. 

"Well? You were posed a question."

The air in the ring was heavy with tension as Selka cowered slightly behind Eugeo. Kirito felt a pang of irritation as he quietly entered the arena. His sister in all but blood, afraid? And his Eugeo being forced to stand silent? Unacceptable.

As he approached the group the heat in his pendant was almost unbearable, but he wasn't scared, he trusted something from Eugeo not to burn him.

"Good morning," he bowed stiffly and shallowly to the two nobles with a false cheery expression on his face, "I apologize if I was interrupting, I was searching for these two. My sincerest apologies if they have caused you any offense."

Kirito felt like each word was like spitting blood, but he knew it would be safer for the other two if he didn't show any of his anger. They weren't worth danger with being removed from the school after how hard Eugeo had worked for this. After how far Selka had come.

"Ah. It's true."

"E-excuse me? I don't-"

"You aren't ashamed to show your face in this city?"

Kirito supposed Raios must have been extremely excited about his latest in a line of derogatory comments to Kirito, because he didn't force an answer. As they laid off of Selka, he felt his pendant cool to a more comfortable temperature and Kirito felt the situation was salvagable. With a calm Eugeo at his side, they could easily make their escape. Until Raios spoke past his own awkwardly long pause.

"I looked, you don't have  _ any _ records. You have no family, no surname, no ownership. It's a miracle you manage to exist yourself, isn't it?"

Kirito distantly heard Selka's sharp intake of air, but the fear he felt was even sharper. The pendant had grown as cold as ice in milliseconds and there was an expression Kirito had never seen on Eugeo's face before that held him silent.

"Not going to deny it? I suppose you can't if even Lord Raios has done you the favor of looking into it for you."

Kirito felt his heart speed up, an extra layer of fear for him. He'd realized one unfortunate fact. Eugeo had his sword on him today. Students who already owned blades of their own were allowed to carry it for the day for class introductions. They were to introduce themselves, title, hometown, and what type of bladework they were hoping to specialize in. The next time they were allowed to publicly carry their swords would be at the end of the school year.

And Kirito had been dutifully teaching Eugeo one thing during every lesson, every duel, every practice session they'd had over the past two years.

_ Your sword is a part of you. _

Kirito, on the other hand, had been renting blades and equipment since they'd left.

Which meant he couldn't stop Eugeo if he went and drew his blade like Kirito could see him slowly reaching for under his coat.

In his head Kirito laughed hysterically, imagining Eugeo even ripping off a glove and tossing it at the noble's feet in challenge.

At that moment footsteps sounded behind Kirito, and a gentle hand landed on his shoulder.

"Shouldn't the five of you be heading to classes? It's getting quite late."

They didn't bother the fierce scowl at their fun being ruined as they bowed to the house master, Azarica, before strolling out shamelessly.

A minute later, and a gentle smile from the professor in understanding, had the three shooed into the long hallway.

Kirito let out a relieved breath. Disaster diverted.

He gently moved Selka and she burst into tears as he moved her face back and forth, checking for any injuries.

He felt an odd squeezing in his chest and almost felt like crying himself as she spoke through hiccup-y cries he'd never heard from her.

"T-they...they didn't...do anything!"

"Shh, you're okay, we won't ever let them lay their hands on you."

She only cried louder and Eugeo was silent and still as a rock.

The crystal resting on Kirito's chest only grew colder the more Selka cried, so Kirito pet her hair and let her press herself against his chest. He was strongly reminded of Sugu when she'd first started middle school.

He took his other hand to grab Eugeo's, who jerked in surprise at the attention.

He rolled his eyes at himself, as he realized of course Kirito could read him, he'd given him the means to do so after all.

Eugeo looked away, slotting his fingers against Kirito's more securely. Selka's cries eventually tapered off and the longer Kirito held on to them , the more the pendant heat up, so he didn't let go of either until he had to.

However, their lie meant that Eugeo did not have to and he gave her a tight hug goodbye, before whispering something into her ear and handing her off to a red headed girl and a brown haired girl. Her roommates shared her classes as well and the boys were happy that they seemed to be a reliable group. The shorter one immediately grabbed Selka's arm and looked concerned as she asked her something.

"You two!"

Kirito choked at the commanding voice from Eugeo, but when he looked over his face was warm and non threatening.

"Yes!"

"Please, walk her back after class?"

They nodded energetically and the red head even looked like she was about to salute before the three walked off to their studies.

Left alone, Kirito and Eugeo turned without talking and headed in the opposite direction from their sister.

They took the longer path to class, traversing alleyways.

"You okay?"

Eugeo nodded automatically, "Me? Yeah, they didn't touch me either."

"...good."

"I think I hate them."

"Yeah...yeah, I could tell."

Eugeo was quiet, unsure of what to say. 

"So, um...Eugeo. Next time someone insults me? I'd prefer you don't try to stab them. Maybe just an aggressive comment will work?"

Eugeo's cheek and face were red and Kirito could tell he'd even surprised himself with his reaction. 

"Yeah..yes. Sorry. On top of threatening Selka, I couldn't take it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this school genre now? Slice of life? The chapters are getting longer. Just this part is already 40 pages and I have no clue how long it will be. I have all of the stuff relating to episode 19-23 written as well. I got a bit distracted by it.
> 
> I also started reading the LN. Wish me luck.
> 
> Selka is strong and herself around Kirito and Eugeo, but is easily intimidated and the two boys were a bit shook to see it all of a sudden because of a couple of bullies.


	6. Tuning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Underworld, aka the Existential Crisis

Despite Kirito's worries, conflicts between themselves and the nobles did not escalate above some sharp words. Kirito wasn't afraid to risk his enrollment, he was there for Eugeo after all, his goal wasn't to become a knight.

Besides, Kirito couldn't help but want to defend Eugeo. Ever since breaking the seal on his eye he'd seemed different.

Eugeo knew he had been acting different. Freedom meant he thought more, was more opinionated, and was more frustrated with the how things were, which means he had to think more about holding himself in check.

Nobles were supposed to protect those below them, yet all they did was terrify. The church was supposed to educate its people yet it was merely telling the people what they should or couldn't think.

With his freedom, apathy followed.

He found it hard to care about his yearmates issues when there was so much  _ more _ going on.

On the other hand it was normal and decent to help when someone was in need and Eugeo refused to lose that part of himself.

Still, he found his own actions empty. He gave up trying to be friendly with his classmates. He spoke when he found it necessary and no one had really noticed.

On the other hand, he found he felt almost too much when he was near Kirito. Something about the other was different ever since entering the academy. He was happier, smiled a little more freely, was more outgoing. And Eugeo, though he wouldn't admit it, was jealous. He didn't know who or what he was jealous of, but whatever it was, it had done what he hadn't been able to do. Sure he'd made Kirito happy from time to time, and he knew Kirito treasured him as a friend, but Kirito was kind, almost to a fault.

So really, was there a reason for him to try?

Of course there were reasons, he had to find out what happened to Alice. And even that goal felt distant, had he really dragged his two closest friends all over the land over his own guilty conscience?

He promised Kirito he'd be there for him.

But really it was Kirito who was always there for Eugeo. Eugeo couldn't protect a fly.

And so Eugeo had developed a mantra he'd tell himself in the mornings, that everything was alright, that his loved ones were fine, and that even if he was unsure, he would trust that they would tell him if he was going down the wrong path. He'd take a deep breath, and he'd go about the day.

Luckily for him, the first gift he'd given Kirito, could not discern specific emotions, it would just feel different.

Unluckily for him, Kirito was observant. He'd been staying nearby more often. Often enough that he'd get weird looks from the other students if he was on his own. Unsurprisingly, Kirito was rather popular, so on top of everything there would be those brave enough to ask if he knew the other's location. 

(Kirito had heard a group gossiping once. Eugeo always said he didn't know where his roommate was with a cold look that drew in admirers of his own.)

Eugeo didn't understand why they didn't leave him alone. 

In Rulid he was abandoned rather quickly after everything snsd after Alice.

In Zakkaria, no one tried to be close and it was a relief. 

Here, everyone wanted to know everything about everyone else. It was the worst of both worlds to him. 

These feelings rose to a peak when Eugeo was stopped during one of his rare moments alone by Humbert.

Eugeo had gotten much better at being polite to people he disliked and he bowed to the noble in greeting. 

As he lifted his head he was thankful he didn't have his sword on him. The sweet thing had a habit of responding to his emotions and all he could feel was helpless anger as the noble had the gall to shove his head back down.

"...sir?"

"I did not say you could rise. You should really learn the rules by now." Barely any other nobles enforced the rules in the academy. It was unspoken that behind closed doors the students could be more relaxed. "I know you seem to have a...reputation around here, "  _ Reputation?  _ "But...hm. Don't get too full of yourself farm boy."

Eugeo stayed silent. Silence had never betrayed him.

"You may rise."

Eugeo straightened slowly. He was sure his face was blank. The lack of a reaction seemed to irritate Humbert further and Eugeo took the small victory. Suddenly the gray haired oaf shoved him against the wall, old instincts had Eugeo cushioning the blow with the palms of his hands. He remained silent, taking deep breaths through his nose as to not panic, to not get upset, to not fight back, because he would hurt the other, and he didn’t want to hurt anyone. 

Then a beautiful sound reached his ears, the sound of someone clearing their throat. Humbert released his hold and Eugeo slumped against the wall.

"Am I...interrupting something?"

"Golgorosso. No, of course not. I was just imparting some information to young Eugeo here. Perhaps you can educate him. I have other matters to attend to."

With shaky hands, Eugeo straightened his uniform.

Moments later, the hall was silent again. Eugeo looked to his savior, a very tall, very muscular man, with kind eyes, thick brown hair, and muscles large enough they were visible through his dark green uniform.

Eugeo bows again, this time genuinely, "Thank you very much, um-"

"Golgorosso Balto. Um, please don't, I truly dislike the airs some of the upperclassmen put on…"

Eugeo straightens up a second time, "Still, thank you, Balto-senpai!"

The blonde's smile has Golgorosso's breath stuck in his lungs and he sees why so many seem to admire him, "No problem. You're..Eugeo, correct? I have heard of you."

"M-me? I haven't done anything noteworthy…"

"I have a hunch you and your roommate will be selected next year."

"What?! I-I mean-"

"No first years get the rooms you two have. Ah. But you probably haven't visited anyone else, have you? Someone must have been looking out for you. You two will likely be the chosen elites next year."

Eugeo, bewildered, merely shakes his head, "I'll be working my hardest towards that. Of course...but."

He jumps as a heavy hand pats his shoulder, "If you ever have a moment after classes during the week, visit training room seven."

Eugeo nods, "Thank you for the kind offer.."

Golgorosso laughs, "Don't worry, I'm nothing like Humbert. May I ask where you are headed?"

Eugeo was surprised how comfortable he was, especially around someone who could clearly overpower him, "Just to visit my sister before curfew."

"Sister? Is she also studying the blade?"

"Kind of. She is on trial as a sister at the chapel and being allowed to take select sacred art classes and exams. I believe she is with two others."

They walked comfortably towards the girls' wing.

"Here I will take my leave," Golgorosso places his hand on Eugeo's shoulder once more before releasing him. His version of a wave, "Hopefully I will see you this week."

"Thank you again Golgorosso  _ senpai _ , really!"

Eugeo is careful to knock and wait for an ok before entering Selka's room. The room she shares with the other two girls could stand to be bigger, but it is comfortable. Much better than the regular rooms that housed trainees, holding five to ten beds each. Golgorosso was right, the bias was clear, though he was unsure what had caused it.

The room is empty except for Selka, and the two end up sitting side by side on Selka's bed. 

"What did Kirito  _ do _ ?"

"Eh?"

"I haven't seen you this distracted in a while."

"Oh, it's nothing, just a run in with Humbert."

Selka's scowls at the mention of their yearmate.

"It's ok, he was starting to get more aggressive but...a nice second year stepped in."

"Oh?"

"Yup."

"That cute, huh?"

"Yea- what."

"You heard me."

"He wasn't- I wasn't  _ looking _ at him like that Selka! Why must you assume every time I get even a little friendly with someone it's just because they look nice and not because I wanted to?"

"So he did look nice then?"

Eugeo buried his face in his knees.

"He was twice my size and I'm pretty sure he could crush me under his arm."

"Sounding like a yes."

Eugeo made a pained noise.

"You're allowed to appreciate how people look Eugeo, nothing wrong with that."

Eugeo glared at her.

She was careful and quiet with her next words, "It doesn't make your feelings anything less than they are." The fact that she was talking about his feelings for Kirito was left unspoken.

"Do you think that he…still likes me?"

"I don't think he's in the right place to think about it. I think he does. But I think whatever he's hiding is something that he's hiding to protect us. Maybe. I can't think of any other reason why."

"... yeah. Probably."

"In any case, it's nice to talk with you properly. You've seemed off recently."

Eugeo sat quietly as Selka gave him a hug. For a brief moment he was scared even a hug from her would do nothing to him, but to his relief he felt comforted, relaxed, and was able to put an arm around her thin frame. He was immeasurably relieved that breaking the seal hadn't cost him his two most important relationships.

Eugeo fell asleep quickly that night as he realized something.

This wasn't the first time he'd felt like this.

He'd felt like this every single day in Rulid for six years until one day he met a boy in the woods.

He slept quietly and dreamt of a river, and the day a black haired child taught the chief’s daughter how to braid her hair. 

The next day when someone dropped their things on the way to the kitchen, Eugeo stopped to help. 

After they'd gone on their way, Kirito commented, "You're so nice to everyone."

Eugeo stared at him like he was an alien, "No I'm not."

"You are. You're a nice person. You always end up helping people you don't even care about."

"It's not...bad? That I don't really care about them?"

"Of course not? Imagine caring about everyone all the time, that sounds exhausting."

Eugeo lets out a shaky laugh, all the things he used to worry about, solved just like that with a few words.

As usual Kirito knew him better than he knew himself.

"You don't get tired of it?" Eugeo continued

"Tired of what?"

"Caring about things? I kind of am."

Kirito looked down at his necklace, as if betrayed. This got a laugh out of Eugeo, "It's not going to tell you  _ everything _ ." Kirito laughed nervously in return.

"Hey, you're free right? Let's...go somewhere our next day of rest?"

"Sure."

For the next couple days, Kirito was internally beating himself up. He  _ knew _ Eugeo had been quieter than usual.

Kirito couldn't begin to understand what it must be like, having his thoughts constantly controlled, then the realization that he wasn't actually in control of his own opinions, and then having the freedom to choose what he thought only for everyone around him to dictate what he should think and how he should act.

He was probably mentally exhausted, which was leading to what could possibly be a dangerous level of apathy.

The thing that stunned him the most was that Eugeo didn't think he was  _ nice _ ?

Eugeo was the kindest person Kirito had met in his life. Even when in the worst mood he still couldn't help but give himself to others. He didn't expect anything in return either. All the other commoner trainees looked up to him. Hell, Kirito had even spied some of the nobles admiring him.

Kirito held his jealousy firmly in check. After all, none of  _ them _ were being courted by Euego, none of them got to share rooms with him, and none of them got to share his company on their day of rest.

  
  


"Sorry, Kirito, I slept in a bit…"

"It's ok, if that's the case you probably needed it."

"Where are we going, anyway?"

"You'll see!"

Kirito pointed out different shops, the blacksmith he had visited, and eventually they arrived at a small, out of the way, bakery.

"Ah, Kirito-kun, good morning!"

"Good morning!"

The bakery seemed to just be opening up for the day

"And who's that you have with you today? You're usually on your own!"

"Ah, this is my best friend and fellow trainee, Eugeo!"

"Very good, very good," the baker said, giving Eugeo a firm handshake, a wide smile, and led them over to a table.

"Sit. I have some new things for you to try."

Before they knew it the table was covered in all manner of sweets, breakfast breads, and spreads.

Each sampling was better than the last and before they knew it they had finished a family's worth of food.

"Mister, how much?"

He shook his head at the pair once before disappearing into the back. A few minutes later he returned with a small tray. "Free. Hand this out at your school for me. Tell those kids to come visit the Prancing Deer."

Eugeo and Kirito were extremely familiar with exchanging services. However, the trade didn't sit well with them.

"We'll hand them out, if you let us come help on our next day of rest?"

He let out a booming laugh, slapping Kirito on the back and almost dislodging him from his chair, "You're a good kid Kirito!"

Eugeo said nothing as he spied Kirito slip some money behind the front table.

As they walked further down the street, Kirito still looked unbalanced.

"Alright?"

"Oh, yeah."

Kirito always seemed surprised at positive attention from his elders. It only made Eugeo's curiosity about his friend's past stronger. He wished he knew so he could help.

The door to the blacksmith's jingled merrily as they entered the shop.

The craftsman turned lightning fast, scowl only increasing as he spotted Kirito.

They had left a piece of the Gigas tree with the smith, intent on forming a sword from it. It seemed he'd been having a hard time with it as Kirito shrunk back, listening to how many materials he'd used on the thing and all the time he spent.

As he clumsily reached into his jacket for his remaining money, Eugeo nudged him, whispering, "I brought all mine just in case, don't worry."

"I'm willing to hand it over for nothing."

_ Really? People really do love Kirito.. _

"What?!"

It was almost unheard of to receive a sword for free. The only worthy compensation for all the time, labor, and materials was really just money.

"Show me you can swing that sword, then I'm willing to let you have it for free."

Eugeo felt nervous, Kirito hadn't been practicing with too many real blades. Wooden blades were much easier to swing and he rarely borrowed the blue rose sword from him while they were traveling. Could he really swing it?

No. Here was where he had to have faith in the person who had taught him.

He watched as Kirito pulled his new sword from its scabbard. Both the blade and the scabbard itself were so blue it almost appeared black and unlike Eugeo's sword, it made almost no noise as it was drawn, just the quietest scrape of its edge against the scabbard.

Eugeo watched entranced as Kirito took a deep breath and did a simple swing downwards. It was enough power to create a small breeze. Exhilarated, he swung it a few more times before sheathing it and bowing to the smith. Eugeo couldn't help but applaud for his friend. Swinging a high priority weapon like that, was no small feat, and it looked almost effortless for Kirito to hold the blade. He once again wondered what type of swordsman Kirito was before they'd met.

"Off you go, then!"

They spent the rest of the day wandering, and then eventually venturing just outside the city.

Kirito took a deep breath, "I can't believe I missed this type of air."

Eugeo nodded in agreement, "There's something about the city air, it's...stifling."

"Plus, nothing beats exploring the woods when you don't actually have to cut the trees!"

"I knew you'd say that. Good thing we dealt with that Calling, didn't we? Otherwise you wouldn't be one of the ones Sortiliena Serlut was scouting."

"Says you after worming your way into Golgorosso's training sessions. Wait, if we pass next year's exam can we have Selka be our valet?"

Eugeo burst out laughing, "I think we'd end up doing anything she asked."

Kirito smiled at Eugeo, "Feeling better?"

Eugeo, self conscious, fiddled with the edges of his sleeves, "Yeah...things don't feel so...weird today."

"Good! Hey, Eugeo?"

"Yeah…?" He found things never boded well when Kirito started a sentence with 'Hey, Eugeo'

"He turned towards Eugeo then, the sunlight reflected in his eyes, his smile wide and honest and open and nothing like the one he wore occasionally with their classmates, "I'm here for you, okay? The only reason I came to this school was for your sake."

Eugeo knew that, of course, he knew that if Kirito was left on his own he would wander and wander and wander the land until maybe he even lost himself.

"Eugeo, I don't know if these memories we have of Alice are even real or not. And honestly it couldn't matter less to me because you're here  _ now _ . Even if we don't get those memories back...even if it turns out I really did grow up in Rulid with you and Alice...and those days under that tree...even if I lose that I don't mind as long as you're here."

And Kirito understands exactly how Asuna felt when she lost her memories of their time together. He understands.

Eugeo knew all of this. He knew Kirito wasn't here for any particular reason than to help him. That if it had been Selka he'd support her best he could but he wouldn't dedicate his Life to it the way he has to Eugeo. His Callings, his every day...it was different. She wouldn't want that. But Eugeo was different too.

"I...already know all that, geez," his voice was shaky with emotion, "I know all that but..why do I feel so relieved? I must really be a terrible person. There's so much you could be doing, so much time your wasting but I can't help but feel happy right now...that you're...you're.."

Kirito looked moved at Eugeo's response, his eyes suspiciously wet, "I wasn't trying to make you cry!"

"I'm not..crying!"

Kirito sighs and ruffles Eugeo's hair. Eugeo sniffles loudly in response. The flaxen haired boy hadn't cried in so long.

"You're my best friend, it would be terrible if I just let you fend for yourself when you needed help."

Kirito placed his palms on both sides of Eugeo's face and squished his cheeks together. 

"Idiot."

Eugeo was still crying a little and the necklace Kirito wore felt like ocean waves lapping against his feet.

" I'm not an idiot, I'm just really grateful you're here."

"If you're so grateful you wouldn't have dragged me out of bed so early this morning."

"I had to," Eugeo mumbled, "Can't go anywhere without you."

Kirito didn't answer the painfully honest admission as he took the edge of his jacket sleeve, gently wiping Eugeo's face.

He felt the necklace turn a little warm, "Don't treat me like a little kid…"

Kirito couldn't help but smile at that, "I'm not."

Kirito's smile had Eugeo crying again, "Oh...um…"

Kirito's confusion only grew, the necklace didn't feel sad, it felt happy but Eugeo was clearly crying.

He couldn't help but feel moved by the show of vulnerability and he felt almost like crying himself.  _ Really _ , he thought,  _ Eugeo is the only thing keeping me sane. I wouldn't have survived here so long on my own _ ..

Eventually Eugeo calmed down.

"I really am feeling better, you don't have to do...this."

Kirito and Eugeo had ended up sitting in the grass near a large tree, Kirito's hands running through Eugeo's hair, Eugeo's head in his lap.

"Besides that, it'll be an...issue if anyone sees this...hey, Kirito are you even listening to me?"

Kirito's eyes were closed, his other hand fiddling with his necklace, sol's light reflecting off the crystal's surface and onto the grass.

"It's ok, no one comes out here. Now quiet, you're ruining the mood."

Eugeo thinks of how they can't ever do this around anyone, how eventually he will have to lie about who he is and how he feels about another boy to secure their safety, and how worried he is about Kirito's mental health with all that he is hiding and shouldering on his own. On top of the mismatched memories of their childhood, of Alice, and the past he was hiding, whatever truth he was protecting them from...it was no wonder he took the chance to be like this with Eugeo any chance he got. There was so much between them it was depressing for Eugeo to think about sometimes. It even felt like there would never be a chance for Eugeo to properly just be with Kirito.

Eugeo's eyes are piercing when he asks tonelessly, "What mood."

Kirito's voice was soft and warm.

"Just let me spoil you today."

Eugeo gives up and closes his eyes. He can't bear to look at Kirito because Selka was right, Kirito really did like him.

He never was good at avoiding reality. He couldn't deny that no one else saw the big toothy smile Kirito would sometimes grant him. Kirito rarely touched anyone else but always went to him when he wanted human contact. 

Simple facts but a show of so much trust that Eugeo felt himself moved once again.

Eugeo supposed it was fine as long as they had times like this.

Just being near Kirito was enough for him.

Not that he was giving up anytime soon. He'd find an answer.

"...Okay. Just today, okay?"

Eventually Eugeo fell asleep.

Kirito sat under what was a large osmanthus tree.

He stopped moving and eventually just let his hands rest on Eugeo's forehead and arm.

It was quiet and peaceful.

The quiet let Kirito's mind wander. He once again questioned himself, ever unable to turn off his own disruptive thoughts.

Was this all real? Were his memories real? He remembered growing up as Kirigaya Kazuto, but he also had memories of a different Rulid, of two kids, of the Underworld.

He reassured himself, his otherwise unexplainable health issues proved the existence of the other world. He was alright.

A warmth permeated his hand.

The necklace.

Eugeo was there. He wasn't alone. Eugeo was real.

Eugeo acknowledged him in front of others, none of this was in his head.

If it was he wouldn't let himself feel Eugeo's painfully warm feelings. He wouldn't torture himself with the face of the one person he wanted to share himself with every single day. The same person he would eventually have to ruin by telling him his whole world was nothing but an experiment.

Kirito followed the advice Eugeo had given to him years ago and took slow, deep breaths. The pulse of the necklace calmed him.

"I'm sorry."

  
  


"Well?"

"His fluctlight seems stable, and he's past the worst of the side effects of the paralytic…...and..you're not going to leave, are you, Asuna-kun?"

"Of course not."

"There's no need to glare at me like that!"

"You could have just told me!"

"Listen, I know it doesn't seem like it with the fact that we hired Kazuto-kun and the fact that we are on a secret base but….this whole thing is classified, you know? You...definitely don't care about all that. Alright. Fine."

"Will he...wake up?"

"That's our goal. Don't worry, we're going to take care of him, I promise. I'd never want to hurt him."

"...I believe you. For now."

"...You're just as scary in real life, aren't you Asuna. That aside, doesn't any of...that, bother you?"

"Hm?"

"Um…"

Kikuoka gently lifted his hand towards the display of the Underworld.

"What?"

For the first time Asuna sounded like a normal girl, testily asking what stupid thing her elders were asking now.

But Kikuoka was genuinely confused. What girl wouldn't be jealous of seeing her boyfriend like that?

"That other boy...Eugeo...Kirito seems to…"

Asuna tilted her head a little, "He's cute, I'm glad Kirito found someone he can trust."

"N-no it seems to go past...trust...actually I didn't know Kirito's face could look like that."

"Yeah, it's a good look for him."

"...you're not jealous?"

"I get a different part of him. Besides, it's not like we're exclusive or anything. I always tell him he can do as he likes but he's always too courteous and asks about everything at every step."

Even complaining, Asuna sounded fond.

_Poly then? Kids these days grow up fast._ _Much healthier than how things were when I had started dating. Though that life's not for me._

"Alright...I'd hate to think that I caused any problems between you two."

"The only thing that's caused problems is the one who attacked us."

Kikuoka thought, if she got her hands on him, he wouldn't live to see another day.

"...hey...he'll really be okay, right?"

"I won't rest until he is."

Kikuoka was desperately unsure what would happen to the Underworld, to the fluctlights, after this. He and the rest of the staff had realized they'd created something beyond their wildest dreams. It was clear to them that the fluctlights were human souls. The weight of such a creation...they'd have to shoulder it together.

With all that, and the additional stress of their injured worker and honestly a boy they'd all come to care for, they'd channeled all their feelings into being completely invested on the ongoings in the Underworld.

Which meant they were essentially spying on Kirito.

_ I'm going to have to apologize to him when he wakes up. _

Asuna eventually left to get breakfast, and Kikuoka entered Kirito's room.

He stood over his bedside, careful not to shift the Soul Translator.

He placed a firm hand on his youngest employee's shoulder.

"Come back soon, Kazuto."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is everyone's relationship healthy or unhealthy...?


	7. Blooming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little shorter than usual and a lot more characters than usual.

In Centoria, the weeks flew by. 

Eventually it was time for the trainees' third series of exams.

After their day spent together Eugeo had calmed enough to truly focus. He was going to do his best to protect Kirito and Selka and uncover the truth about Alice. It was what he thought of with every swing of his sword. He'd come too far.

Kirito merely continued to study the world around him, and to get stronger. His sword remained unnamed. He wasn't quite sure what to honestly dedicate himself to.

Eugeo had managed to work up the courage to talk to Golgorosso and once exams were over he was invited to become his valet. Golgorosso felt a kinship with him due to the fact that neither were nobles and he stated that he wanted to see Eugeo succeed.

Second seat, Sortiliena Serlut, on the other hand, had watched Kirito's cool facade during examinations and took immediate interest. She challenged him and upon losing he request to become her valet. The other student had never seen the calm noble laugh in such an unrefined manner before. She notified Master Azurica of the change in status immediately.

Kirito had never seen the Master smile before, but it was there plain on her face as she gently asked if he'd thought about what color uniform he'd like after fourth term examinations.

Selka was the only to pass exams to train for entry into the Central Church. Her roommates were to continue as per their path in life, to train in the art of the sword. The girls' dormitories were thankfully spacious, and the three would continue to live together.

Selka, in her time spent away from Kirito and Eugeo had gained a reputation of being shy, sweet, and generally the type of girl that put a smile on someone's face by just being there. Throughout the beginning of their time, she had merely done the work assigned to her, keeping her own research and ideas quiet. However during her exam, she requested it be held at night.

She then proceeded to cast a sacred art that removed all the oxygen from the air and allowed her to create a rising breeze that allowed her to levitate.

Thankfully the air rushed back in from the surrounding area but not without leaving Selka, the other examinees and the spectators unable to breathe for almost half a minute.

When she landed the hall was silent.

From then on she was feared enough that even Raios and Humbert didn't go near her.

During his free time, Kirito had advanced from keeping flowers in their rooms to growing in the academy's gardens.

He had found there was something therapeutic about being able to nurture something. It gave him a sense of control in his otherwise uncontrollable existence. He was sure it would have been the same no matter where he was and was surprised to find himself enjoying a new hobby. Whenever his anxiety came and he didn't have Eugeo or Selka, be it of what was real and what wasn't, of what had happened in the real world, he would examine every leaf, every petal, pass his hands through the soil and just breathe until he was calm again. 

Eugeo only encouraged the hobby. After his first large gift to Kirito he had switched to gifting him things for his hobbies. Empty journals, shears, seeds, and Kirito was exuberant.

Once a week he would leave a flower each with Master Azurica and Selka.

For Eugeo, he was given free reign to plant whatever, wherever he wanted, so he had begun to decorate his rooms with them. It seemed to cheer Eugeo up to see them as well.

By the time fourth term hit they were full fledged elite trainees.

Unfortunately so were Raios and Humbert, and higher seats than them.

Liena had been matter of fact when she sat Eugeo and Kirito down in her rooms one afternoon and informed them that there was no need for them to be overly polite to the two any longer. As fellow elites they were at the same ranking under the academy's rules. It was a weight off Eugeo's shoulders to cease being overly polite to the two. She did remind them, however, that they were still subject to any commands given.

"Before we go, Liena-senpai, I had a question…"

"Yes?"

"Eugeo and I...our rooms..do you know why.."

"Why you got the rooms usually only extended to nobles or elite swordsmen from the start? Actually I do. I was curious about you so I did some snooping."

"O-oh?"

She nodded, unashamed, "It seems you two received a  _ ridiculous _ amount of recommendations and have even piqued some interest at the central cathedral."

They looked at each other outside Liena's rooms, stunned.

They had been trying to be subtle and quiet about reaching their goal but somehow had managed the opposite.

One night found Kirito and Eugeo outside, Kirito tending to a small pot of flowers.

"Hey, Kirito?"

"Yeah?"

"Um...you know you don't ever  _ have _ to tell me your past, right? I know I said I'd...I'd y'know," 'court him' is what he couldn't say for fear that someone was listening, "Until you felt okay saying it. But I just meant I'd wait for you. I'll be here whether you tell me anything or if you keep quiet about it forever."

Kirito feels like he's been slapped, is only able to stare at Eugeo in amazement. Every time he finds himself surprised by how much Eugeo has invested in him.

He doesn't blink as he grasps Eugeo's shoulders and pulls him close. Eugeo sighs happily in the embrace, his arms gripping back as Kirito tucks his face against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry…"

"Why? You have nothing to be sorry for. It's just...this whole thing seems to be hurting you. Selka and I only want you to be happy, you know…"

They are quiet and by the time they separate the clouds have rolled quietly across the sky.

Starlight shines down on the academy just above the gardens and two nobles shut their window to block out the light with contemplative looks on their faces.

Dust drifts through the air showing itself in the rays of sunlight that filter down on a lone swordsman aiming practice swings at a training block. 

A twin set of footsteps slow as they pass by, "Ah Humbert, a moment. "

_ Must they do this every day?  _

Eugeo huffs out a small breath of exertion as he finishes his round of swings.

"How rare, alone today are we, Elite Swordsman in training, Eugeo?"

_ That must have hurt to say.  _

Eugeo stopped paying too much attention to the conversation, working on putting away his training supplies into the cabinet.

"-of course he's sruggling, he only knows how to cut wood after all."

In a moment of irritation, Eugeo loses control of himself, "Then I'll take you up on that offer. Of course, I would refer stop short, but as you are offering I will accept any form of training, feel free to strike me if you must."  _ If you can. _

Humbert is extremely riled up by then.

Humbert leaps forward with a forward strike, easy enough to predict that Eugeo doesn't block it, instead dodging to the right and using his wooden blade to strike back.

He isn't surprised when Humbert blocks the attack. Suddenly the pressure increases, as the noble tries to break the lock, and Eugeo was stunned by the amount of hatred on Humbert's face. Was he really that detestable? They didn't treat any of the other students this way as far as he'd seen. 

Eugeo changed stances so that Humbert's blade slid past him and swung back around, landing a solid hit on Humbert's chest. 

"Halt!" Raios called, ending the duel. 

He did not call a winner, it was clear that Eugeo had won.

Humbert angrily sheathed his sword. Eugeo had expected him to be more of a sore loser, but he supposed it helped that he hadn't been announced the winner.

"Watch yourself."

Raios wandered close and only spoke when Eugeo humored him and met his eyes, "Next time, let me really show you what a duel is like."

"I'd be happy to learn here and now, Ser Raios."

Eugeo had his head tilted in challenge which only infuriated the long haired man more.

They stormed off and Eugeo sighed as a sheathed his training sword. Someone whistled appreciatively behind him, making him jump.

"Wow, I think you really pissed them off this time."

"Kirito! Don't sneak up on me like that!"

He grinned, unapologetically, "Wasn't trying to scare you, Selka wanted to go out for dinner. Since tomorrow's our day of rest and all."

"You know we have this thing called curfew right?"

Kirito doesn't say anything. 

"Okay, fine. Geez, I'm such a pushover."

If there was one thing that hadn't changed since Selka, Eugeo, and Kirito had become students, it was the fact that they always checked in on each other throughout the day. This fact frustrated Raios and Humbert who seemed to be trying to be as big a nuisance as possible. 

That night consisted of a lively dinner at the baker's home. It seemed the man had become very fond of Kirito and invited them to have a party at the shop after hours. Kirito had left early to help prepare and had invited Liena and Golgorosso along with Selka, Tiese, and Ronie.

Eugeo had never been a part of such a large gathering and he found himself quietly ecstatic.

They talked about everything, favorite foods, school annoyances, politics, and Selka and Kirito finally had the chance to share some of their stories from their journey to Zakkaria.

"Wow. You really must have your hands full, huh, Eugeo-senpai?"

He still wasn't used to the new address. The school structure at the academy was nothing like what he was used to. You basically moved up if you did well enough on tests, became a valet, or did exceptionally well on all four tests to become an elite. He had done well on three and was now a valet and soon to be an elite assuming Golgorosso graduated on time. Most of the seats would be open by their next exam and it was then that they would attempt advancement.

"Not...really. I think I caused my fair share of trouble, to be honest."

"Really? But you always seem so...proper! More so than any of the actual royalty here. And polite and thoughtful!"

"R-really? I didn't realize I came off that way.."

Selka nodded vigorously, "Right? But actually he's got a real temper hidden under that cute face."

"Do not!" Eugeo pouted as Kirito patted him on the shoulder.

"He really does. Remember that one shopkeep?"

"Oh yeah. It was a little before we made it to Zakkaria. He told me I wasn't allowed to purchase. That I should stick to my own and get either of these two to do the shopping."

"What? I thought we had moved past all that! What if you were travelling alone?"

"I know...luckily that's the only person I encountered like that. But I ended up crying over the whole thing and Eugeo went and came back and told me it was ok for me to go shop now. When I went back the man seemed to have changed his mind and greeted with me a smile and gave out free gifts...it was actually scarier than the mean version I'd first met."

Eugeo was red faced and fiddling with his sleeves, refusing to meet anyone's eyes.

"What did he do? Eugeo-senpai what did you do?"

Eugeo mumbled, hunching his shoulders up a little, "Nothing, I just...spoke to him…"

Five pairs of eyes were staring at the suddenly shy valet. Golgorosso gave him an audible slap on the shoulder, "I knew I picked right! As swords we have a duty to protect without harm when we can."

Kirito nodded agreeably, as Liena patted his head with a fond smile. They'd only been valets for a few weeks but the two wouldn't trade their upperclassmen for anything.

Selka's smile was wide as she looked at the four older students. Eugeo had a bashful smile on, Kirito was laughing and Liena and Golgorosso looked clearly happy.

Eventually they moved back to the dorms, choosing to stay in Kirito and Eugeo's rooms for the remainder of the evening.

Liena and Golgorosso were the first to bid them goodnight. Kirito found himself wildly interested in their sword styles and how they were passed down, and how they varied.

They were clearly families of sword skills, but the system was so much more complicated in regards to execution. Everything had variations. Even his vertical square was done in a way that he was sure it would not be recognized as such.

They shift around on the chairs to give everyone more space.

"Um...Kirito..senpai?"

"Just Kirito is fine Ronie. You two don't need to be so formal around us, you know?"

"Ok...um..K-Ki-"

She seems to struggle with her words for a moment before fidgeting, "I can't. I'm sorry. But um, we had a question if you don't mind?"

Kirito nodded, signaling it was ok.

"It's rare for boys to wear any accessories, um not that it's bad. I mean. I don't think it's bad. But we noticed that you always have this necklace on, and we were wondering what it was? You never wear it outside your uniform. Oh no. That sounds like I've been staring. I haven't been-"

Ronie stopped talking as Kirito had suddenly stood, his face growing more and more red as Ronie had asked her question. Eugeo innocently sipped at his tea, staring at Kirito as if also asking what it was.

_ Don't just stare you jerk, say something!  _

"Right. Can we leave that at, I can't say and uh- I forgot to ask Liena-senpai something!!"

He was out the door and i the hall before anyone could say anything.

"Should I not have asked…?"

Selka laughed, "I guess not."

Eugeo was almost glad he was a terrible liar. He was quietly overflowing with joy that his gift still flustered Kirito to that point. Even if they had to keep whatever their relationship was a secret, he liked being able to tease him in ways that no one else would understand.

Kirito had come back in time to talk a little more and wish the girls a good night, but rather than the happy look he'd had on the whole day, he looked uneasy and his eyes had been a little puffy when he'd entered.

Selka quietly motioned to him on their way out, worried, and Eugeo nodded at her.

As the door shut, Kirito let out an overly loud sigh.

Eugeo leaned against the now locked door staring at his friend. Kirito thought nothing of it, Eugeo’s staring was nothing new and Kirito felt comfortable enough to close his eyes for a moment, “I’m a terrible liar. Why didn’t you help me out back there?” he whined.

Eugeo smiled at that, “I’m a terrible liar too.”

“Who knows what Ronie and Tiese think it is now.”

“They probably think it’s some sort of special jewelry from a special someone?”

“...Not too far off, then.”

Kirito cracks his eyes open as Eugeo comes to sit next to him.

“Not too far off.”

“Hey.”

“Yeah?”  
  
“I can feel you worrying about me. I’m fine.”

“I should’ve given you a different gift.”

“ _ No. _ ” Eugeo finds this petulant side of Kirito adorable.

“Did something happen with Liena-senpai?”

“Liena…? Oh. No. I didn’t find her.”

“Then?”

“...It’s really nothing. I just went to check on my garden while I was out.”

Eugeo didn’t believe him for a second. He was a terrible liar after all. But after scrutinizing his face for a second he let it go.

“I’m here if you wanna talk about it, okay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The LN is destroying me. I should've written Unlasting after I read it


	8. Intermission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I considered cutting scenes from this chapter, or splitting it into two chapters, but it flows best like this, so this one is a bit longer than the last few chapters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Loss of memory, bullying, assault, flashbacks

Kirito and Eugeo end up falling asleep in their common room.

Eugeo sleeps deeply for once, and when he awakens Solus is high in the sky, almost berating him for sleeping in.

He looks around, calling his roommate’s name but Kirito is nowhere to be found.

It is not too odd for Kirito to sometimes be up early, though it only increases Eugeo's worries because it means he had probably woken up in the middle of the night and never went back to sleep. 

Regardless, he was sure he would run into Kirito sooner rather than later.

Unbeknownst to Eugeo, Kirito had run into Raios and Humbert the night before. Kirito was quietly known for all his experimentation, regardless of how mediocre he was at the sacred arts.

This expanded to the gardens and everyone knew he had been trying to grow things that weren't meant to grow in the north.

He claimed it was to see how much <<will>> affects growth. How much one can nurture something just by wanting it to Live.

When he was unable to locate Liena he decided he would pursue the matter in the morning. It was quite late after all. Instead he decided to check on his plot since he had made an escape from the gathering.

He surprised himself, he felt happy and it wasn't complicated. He had friends and he had a goal and he didn't have to worry about _ dying. _

Things were good.

Until he was stopped by two voices.

"Well, look who it is."

He looked at the two blankly, his voice rough with how little he cared, and was willing to show it when Selka and Eugeo weren't in line of fire.

"Do you need something? Because I'm having a great night and I wouldn't want you two to ruin it."

"Nothing at all, we just never congratulated you on your advancement,"

Raios holds out a hand for Kirito to shake, and Kirito has no excuse to _ not _ return the gesture so he grips the man's hand as loosely as possible.

As soon as their palms touch, he drags Kirito close, his breath ghosting his ear, making him shiver in disgust at the same time as a hand slips something into his pocket.

Kirito finds himself holding his breath as they leave. When he releases it, a shaky puff of air, he reaches into his front pocket only to find a bud of the Zephilia's he had been raising for Liena.

He's almost uncomprehending before his brain screams that if they'd killed one they may have killed all of them and they'd taken _ months _to grow and his feet had carried him to his destroyed plot.

Kirito had surprised himself more than anyone would know with his new hobby. He wasn't particular about things that needed to be done a certain way, nor did he enjoy them, but with plants he felt differently. Maybe it was the fact that he had been nurturing another Life. Or the fact that they grew, even in spaces they weren't meant to be.

Just like him.

_ "Don't give up so easily!" _

Kirito lamented that he'd finally lost it and was hearing things.

But it was true, he shouldn't. He thought it was time to test a theory and pleaded with the surrounding plants to help their friend.

And they did.

To the point that the Zephilia, who weren't suited to the climate, _ bloomed _.

He stared at his flowers for long minutes before going back inside.

His legs felt weak and he felt strangely out of energy. He sat on a bench before he fell over and stared at his knees.

Tears plopped onto the back of his hand and he jerked, startled, before hurriedly wiping them away. He found his breath coming fast but his mind was silent.

_ Why am I panicking now? Everything is fine...I saved them. Today was a good day... _

With such logical thoughts running through his head, he fought to control his breathing. When he succeeded he made the short trek back to his room.

He didn't want to ruin Eugeo's night by telling him Raios and Humbert were bothering him so he stayed quiet. 

He woke up long before he normally would, unable to fall back to sleep. He decided to go try speaking to their house master, Azurica, and see what she had to say about the issue.

Normally he wouldn't think to go to anyone with his issues, Kirito always was the type to solve things on his own. But this time he felt completely out of his depth. He didn't understand the attitudes that drove the two nobles to treat others the way they did. In the Underworld people were naturally willing to help others because of the Taboo Index, but the noble code created a paradox. The two weren't breaking any laws but they weren't following the spirit of it in any case.

He was quiet as he left the room, he didn't bother leaving a note. Paper was a luxury and he planned to be back before Eugeo awoke in any case.

He walked down the hallway towards the offices to wait for Azurica, unknowingly followed by two shadows.

When Azurica finished her breakfast and made her way to her office, there was nothing but an empty hallway.

Eugeo knowing none of this, wandered down to breakfast himself. He sat with Liena and Gorgolosso, trying not to look overly worried.

"Eugeo, have you seen Kirito?"

"...not yet. He's missed breakfast before though."

"Hm..alright, well if you see him, tell him to come see me in my rooms at some point today? I wanted to discuss what we were talking about some more. He'd brought up an interesting point about self image last night.."

"I'll be sure to let him know," Eugeo replied distractedly.

Eugeo's feet were moving ahead of his brain and he was startled back to the conversation at the sound of his own chair scraping against the marble floor.

"Eugeo…?"

He wasn't sure where he was going, "I...have a really bad feeling…"

He could have slapped himself, he must sound crazy, Kirito had only been missing for an hour at most, and he could pop up at any second.

Gorgolosso stared at him for a moment before standing, "Well. If you say that, I'll help look."

"It is strange for him to disappear like this without saying anything."

They agreed to meet at Kirito and Eugeo's room in an hour.

The first place Eugeo went was to Selka. After confirming she hadn't seen him, he pleaded with her to stay put before checking the training grounds.

Eugeo was confused, he'd never felt this, like any second Kirito would-

_ The necklace. _

_ Someone is trying to remove the crystal from Kirito...or threatening him...why? Stealing is taboo...Unless someone tried to...order…? _

Eugeo immediately thought of two who would give such a despicable order. Something terrible enough that the piece of him that he left with Kirito would try to intervene.

"...Raios…"

Eugeo knew where their rooms were. The top floor. They always bragged about them after all.

He began with a knock and quickly escalated to pounding on the door. 

It creaked open to silence and Eugeo cautiously edged his way in without a word.

"You came at a good time, _ Ser _ Eugeo. We were trying to aid your good friend Kirito here, we thought that necklace he always wears...that we've never seen, that it might be some kind of artifact from the Dark Territory. But now he won't speak at all."

Eugeo spoke without thinking, "You don't think that at all," because there was Kirito backed into one side of the room, Humbert hovering over him, holding a mirror "You just can't stand that we commoners might have something you don't," his left wrist tied to the arm of the chair.

Eugeo had never seen Kirito look so scared, so detached. His free hand was gripping the front of his tunic - right where the charm lay - which was terribly rumpled. His jacket was hanging off him which attested to obvious manhandling, and Eugeo was sure if he had his sword he might have injured the two nobles. Or worse.

"How dare you! Stand _ still _."

Eugeo paused, he had already begun moving towards Kirito, who hadn't even seemed to realize he was in the room. Eugeo could move, he was never subject to orders from them, merely keeping up an appearance.

Merely pretending he still had a seal.

Eugeo felt like his whole body had gone numb, Kirito still hadn't acknowledged him, but he could feel his own worry, and along side that, his own rage doubling back at him, emanating from the necklace. He had to feel that. The ugly part of him that he tried to keep away from others. But Eugeo wouldn't let it burn Kirito.

He stepped forward and Raios stopped moving, shocked.

Eugeo didn't have a weapon or anything on him.

He quietly untied Kirito's wrist from the chair, hoisting him gently to his feet. Kirito followed along like a puppet.

"Come on, yeah let's go this way…" Eugeo murmured gently to Kirito. Finally recognition shone on Kirito's face, yet he still didn't loosen his right hand from his necklace.

"...Eugeo? You came…"

"Always."

Humbert snapped the silence apart, "Why are you _ moving _ didn't the great Sir Raios tell you to _ stop _?"

"And why do I have to listen to him? To either of you, when you treat others like this?"

"_ Why?! I'll tell you-" _

_ " _Wait," Raios interrupted, "What are you? Why didn't you listen?"

And Raios looks visibly shaken, intent on an answer.

Eugeo looks at him and feels himself hit with an anger he'd never felt before. People so obsessed with wielding power over others, terrifying those who don't go with their whims, Eugeo was furious. He loosened his grip on Kirito for a millisecond, intent on _ something _.

He is about to step towards the nobles when Kirito shakily grips his sleeve.

Eugeo lets out a small breath.

"I'm just a woodcutter."

And they take their leave.

Eugeo looks over Kirito as soon as the door shuts behind him, and is relieved to find no injuries.

He still has time before he has to let the others know he found him, but they might already be waiting in their room. He needs somewhere private for Kirito.

There's not really anywhere like that in the school.

_ Except… _

He walks them down to Master Azurica's office, careful to take the halls that students don't often walk.

He knocks gently on her door and she lets them in without a word.

Eugeo thinks he has found yet another person to admire at the academy when she bluntly asks, "What happened?" And then pours water for the both of them.

The water sits in front of Kirito untouched.

"I'm not quite sure but...I found him like this in Esteemed Sir Raios and Esteemed Sir Humbert's quarters…"

Understanding shows on Azurica's face. She nods gently.

"I will be back in a few minutes. Wait for me here."

"Yes, ma'am."

The door swings gently shut and Eugeo shifts to sit facing Kirito.

He places a gentle hand on Kirito's shifting his fingers off the necklace one by one.

"I'm okay…" Kirito speaks quietly enough that Eugeo wouldn't have heard him if he was even a mel further away.

"Like hell you are. What _ happened? _"

"I...they...I was coming here actually, I wanted to ask Miss Azurica about if we can do anything about the two of them…"

"Why?"

A simple enough question, Kirito had been favoring the route of non combat.

"They...killed the Zephilia I was growing."

Eugeo almost gasped aloud, Kirito had been working extremely hard on those and for the two of them to destroy it was-

"I...managed to save them. Somehow. I guess I'll have to do more studying on the sacred arts. Can you help me with it? The idea I had-"

"Kirito…"

Kirito's breath catches in his throat as he looks helplessly at his lap.

"They said if I didn't come along they'd try to talk to you instead and I don't want them anywhere near you. They _ can't _hurt you. And then they..they tried to see the necklace but I felt so sick that they'd even see it, so I told them no. They can't 'order' something like that anyway. But then they...used a divine object I think. One I've never seen. A mirror. They asked me...something. I can't remember. And. Then I was...somewhere else…"

His voice trailed off as he seemed to be remembering exactly where.

"Somewhere else?" Eugeo urged gently, and his partner's next words came in a hush.

"They were trying to kill me. I had to..to fight back…I had to. It was them or us."

Eugeo felt his body freeze up and Kirito misread the reaction, curling into himself, mumbling an apology, his hand going back to the necklace for reassurance.

The room was silent.

This time when Eugeo uncurled his hand, he gripped it between his own and said nothing as silent tears began to drip down the other's face.

Eugeo pulled a handkerchief from his pocket gently wiping his tears.

"I killed someone before. More than once. Aren't you disgusted? I shouldn't be near-"

"So you really were a swordsman, huh? I know you, you'd never attack someone unless you have to."

Kirito sniffed loudly.

"I wished I had my sword on me...so I could fight them. I'm nothing without one anyway…"

"That's not true, Kirito...you're much more than a weapon."

"I wanted to protect you but….but...I really wished you would come save me."

"I did. I promised, remember?"

Kirito grinned, his face a mess, his eyes puffy and snot dripping from his nose, "My hero.." 

"When I came...you didn't even notice I was there. Was that because of the mirror or…"

"I...don't know. Maybe. They'd asked me some questions I think. Sometimes if something pushes me enough I kind of...lose track of where I am…"

When Azurica returns, Kirito recounts again what had happened, with Eugeo telling her his side of the story.

Her face was neutral, "I will handle the matter. To be honest you two are...not the first to come to me about those two. For now, stay away as much as you can."

Eugeo spoke back in a rare show of bitterness and disrespect, "So nothing will be done, after all…"

At that, Azurica stood. She stared at Eugeo until he began to fidget.

"You have broken your seal, and you...I assume you have as well. Though I am sure neither of you mean any harm."

The two didn't move a muscle as she loomed above them.

"How did you…?"

At that Azurica gave a low laugh, "You think there's any student whose background I do not know?"

Eugeo suddenly felt ten years younger, being scolded by his grandmother.

"Don't worry Eugeo, I will do something. It may not be immediate and you may be hesitant to do this. The two of you do seem used to caring for yourselves but please, trust me. Just this once."

He looks to Kirito, and then back to Azurica and gives a small nod.

"Okay...t-thank you.."

"Now head on back to your rooms for today. Oh, and Kirito?"

He looks to her as Eugeo hovers, watching him stand.

"If I may offer you a word of advice in return for your flowers? I find it always helps to swing my blade after moments of stress. Eugeo? I would prefer you kept yours at your waist."

They make it back to their rooms, Gorgolosso willing to leave without an explanation, merely happy that Kirito had been located. Liena leaves, but with a promise from Kirito that they will talk and anger in her eyes.

Eugeo finds himself more than overwhelmed, his emotions a flurry, when he suddenly remembers Kirito can feel all of it. He can feel how angry is, how much he wants to fight back, challenge the two nobles, anything to repay them even a fraction of what they've done. Making someone relive the moment they took another's Life? They can't even begin to understand.

"Kirito...you might want to take off the necklace for a bit I...I'm sorry, I'm not controlling myself very well right now."

"No...no I'm not taking it off what if someone tries to-"

"It's alright," Eugeo unclips the necklace from around his neck and Kirito moves to grab it back but doesn't quite reach out, "You don't need to feel this on top of your own emotions right now…it'll be right here. Just...just for a few minutes."

Kirito grabs Eugeo's hand before he moves away.

There's no Item binding the two at the moment but Eugeo can tell Kirito is still scared. It's so different from his usual bravery. Eugeo grips his hand back. 

He will find out what object they had used later. 

The following days after the incident brought forward a quiet Kirito. Eugeo did not stray from his side for a moment and eventually, Kirito regained his vigor, seeming to pretend nothing had even happened.

Eugeo watched from the side, excused from his own training as Gorgolosso had to prepare for his own exam. He was surprised and grateful that Liena still kept it up even when she had other things to attend to.

"It may be out of place for me to say this, Kirito, but...you haven't shown me your true skill, have you? Not that I think you're holding back. It's just...there's something I can't put my finger on."

Eugeo watched carefully as they fought. Had Kirito been holding back? No. He could see him analyzing Liena's every movement during their previous duel. 

"I swear I'm not holding back. It's just. That thing about sword styles that we spoke of. I can't figure out how to apply it."

Kirito had spoken about Imagination and the source of most of a swordsman's power being from their self image. Their belief in what they wielded their blade for or their belief in their own power.

In other words Kirito wasn't yet sure what to believe in.

Eugeo thought it quite obvious but he supposed this was the sort of thing one had to find out on their own. Besides, judging by the fact that Kirito hadn't been able to come up with a name for his sword, maybe it wasn't as obvious as he thought.

Eugeo found it odd, that Kirito couldn't figure it out even though he'd taught him to do exactly that.

Liena accepted Kirito's difficulties without complaint, "Very well, though I would be _ very _ happy to see you at full strength before I graduate. "

Kirito gave a nervous laugh, "I'll do my best."

"That's all I ask. That being said, shall we wrap it up for today? Your bodyguard is starting to look restless."

Eugeo startled at being addressed as Kirito laughed, "I'm not! Please, take your time."

"You know, Eugeo, I would have walked him back?"

"...Yes."

"You two are so cute I can't stand it."

She strolled towards the wall where Eugeo was standing as Kirito looked on curiously. She leaned in smiling, and ruffled his hair and Kirito was amazed to see a blush rise to Eugeo's cheeks.

"Have a good evening, you two."

Kirito wandered over and Eugeo decided his friend was done being cowed by what had happened with Raios and Humbert.

"...So-"

"No. Nope. Let's go."

"Should I be jealous?"

"_ Kirito. _"

Kirito throws an arm across Eugeo's shoulders, leaning close.

"Eugeo-kun. It's alright. Madam Sortiliena does have quite the presence. Even I was swayed when I first met her. She makes you want to be bossed around, right?"

Eugeo makes a low pained noise as he drops his head into his hands.

After a moment Kirito wraps his other arm around him, pulling him into a loose hug. He presses his cheek to the side of Eugeo's hair and murmurs into his ear.

"I guess I'm a little jealous. I was trying to keep you all to myself for a few more days, at least."

Eugeo lets out a little, "Oh." before wrapping his arms around Kirito's waist and pulling him closer. He leans his forehead against Kirito's and feels him shiver at the sudden closeness.

"I'm always yours," Eugeo mumbles, pressing a little closer.

Kirito seems to smile almost involuntarily, "You really are the type who only knows how to operate at zero or a hundred, huh?"

Eugeo wrinkled his nose at the unfamiliar saying, too distracted by the feel of Kirito's waist under his hands to ask what _ that _ meant.

Kirito closes his eyes for a moment and leans forward, fully intent on having Eugeo far closer than they already were. Besides, after all the other boy had put up with from him all week - he'd been moody, frustrated, and Eugeo still hung around him, even the necklace only betraying fondness and an anger they had yet to address - he deserved some sort of reward, right?

If the reward was in the form of Kirito's affections, well, neither would mind much at all.

"Kirito…" Eugeo lets Kirito tilt his chin upwards, letting his eyes slide shut. Kirito feels as if he's survived all these years just to hear the tiniest hitch in Eugeo's breathing as his breath fans his lips. 

"Eugeo, you're so-"

The door creaked and the two sprung apart as if burned.

It swung fully open to reveal Selka.

"Really? Leave you two alone for a second and it gets like that immediately?"

"Like what?! Nothing was going on. Absolutely nothing."

Her face showed complete and utter disbelief.

"You do realize this isn't a private room, right?"

Kirito scowled at her, gathering his training sword and his bag before strolling out the room.

Eugeo hurried out behind him, face pointed downwards.

"Oh...I embarrassed both of them. Crap. Wait up!"

She catches them both just outside the training hall and grabs each of their hands.

"I'm sorry. I just worry cause I don't get to see you as much as before. Please don't be mad at me…"

Her voice wobbles a bit at the end, she had been so worried. She didn't know what to think when Eugeo had told her that at first, Kirito hadn't even realized he was there.

And then watching him go through the last few days on autopilot, she was happy to see him back to being himself.

The two boys squeezed her hands back, "We're not mad Selka. Promise."

"Alright.."

"Are you still coming with us to study?"

"Yes!"

Kirito leaves Selka and Eugeo alone for a few minutes to get cleaned up after training. 

"But really, what did I walk in on?"

Selka's severe interest in Kirito and Eugeo's relationship was not a new thing but she found herself more and more curious as time went on.

Eugeo refused to look her in the eyes, "Liena-senpai patted me on the head."

She was immediately reminded of Eugeo's reaction just after meeting Golgorosso for the first time. Eugeo was easily charmed and couldn't help himself.

"Was he…..jealous?"

It wasn't an emotion she had ever seen from Kirito, but she was sure if it would be over anyone, it would be Eugeo.

"Yeah…a little, I think..."

"Well...Liena-senpai is gorgeous so it can't be helped."

"Selka!"

Kirito let his head dip underneath the surface of the bathwater.

He finally felt something within him relax. He wasn't fighting for his Life here, he was just trying to be a good student, graduate top of their year, and find his best friend's long lost childhood friend. 

Aside from the existential crisis he was sure to cause if he told Eugeo and Selka the truth about where he'd come from, he didn't want them to know about 'Hero Kirito'. He didn't want to talk about or rehash the Sword Art Online Incident _ again _. He didn't want them to know he'd killed someone before and it was partially out of self defense, partially out of fear. He just wanted to be Kirito, Eugeo's best friend and Selka's adopted brother. 

Eugeo knew he'd killed at least one person and in response he hadn't left Kirito alone for a second, had made sure he'd eaten as he recovered from the flashback over the following days and made sure he didn't feel alone. 

He couldn't help but think that Asuna would be proud of him, because he actually felt happy. 

He still wasn't excited for whenever he would have to tell them everything, but sharing this one thing had made him feel immeasurably lighter. Eugeo didn't seem put off by the fact and had merely been worried. 

Kirito understood more why Eugeo was waiting, and really only in the vaguest sense of the word, until he shared everything. It was obvious that Eugeo had wanted Kirito to kiss him earlier, and would not have stopped him, and would probably do it more often but he was protecting him from himself.

Kirito knew if they were like that all the time the guilt at holding secrets would eat away at him until there was nothing left. It was bad enough.

As he got dressed, finally clean of the sweat of afternoon training, he sighed.

Was he really jealous of Liena managing to fluster Eugeo? The guy was not terribly hard to pressure. Besides why go at Eugeo like that, wasn't Kirito her valet?

_ Great, I can't even tell who I was jealous of. Suck it up, Kazuto. Liena is an important friend who happens to be an amazing upperclassman and extremely beautiful. _

He shut the door behind him as he wandered back to their room.

_ And Eugeo is also an important friend who… _

He felt his heart rate speed up as he thought of how it felt to have Eugeo's arms trap them together.

_ Who… _

He ran a hand roughly through his hair. Eugeo had been gaining an unacceptable amount of muscle lately.

Thoughts such as these carried him back to his room and he opens the door to Eugeo trying to smother Selka with a pillow.

His head snaps up, his eyes meeting Kirito's as he releases her. Normally Kirito would have questions. What did Selka say this time? Why commit the murder in their rooms? 

But as they seperate, Selka laughs gently, hair mussed, and Eugeo looks like he'd lost a fight, Kirito sits between them, unbuttoning his jacket.

They both quietly look to him, as he speaks in the most neutral tone he can muster.

"I think I've lost track of what the word 'friend' means."

The two light haired fiends look at each other before answering him.

"Obviously."

"You refer to us both as your friends."

"You treat me like a sister."

Eugeo merely reaches out and pokes the crystal hanging loosely over his tunic.

"Friend seems to be the easiest word for you for any relationship, so it's fine right?"

"Hm."

"It really is. Being your friend is an honor, really."

"How gallant, Eugeo."

"I'm serious."

And Kirito could see that with a glance. Selka, however, interjected.

"...you're just happy you got to experience a rare, jealous, Kirito earlier."

"You told her?!"

"Why shouldn't he? I'm sad I missed it."

"That's true too, I suppose. It was nice to see that side of Kirito. He's finally sunk down to the level of we commoners."

"Alright. Time to study."

Selka was surprised Kirito still hadn't figured out what to focus his sword on. His Image. She thought it was quite obvious. Especially given the fact that Kirito had helped her figure her own out. But she supposed it was a bit harder for the person involved. 

Her shortsword lay flat on the desk as she tried to apply different Arts to it.

She had ignored Eugeo when he'd curiously asked what she was doing, her focus was so extreme.

Eventually one of her attempts put her to sleep.

Eugeo shook her awake.

"Selka!"

"It worked!"

"What have I said about trying these things on yourself!"

"It's ok this is safe it's just...it's a special project."

"Is that...Heri essence? That's for helping children sleep isn't it? What…?"

She stared at Eugeo for a long moment. 

"I don't think I can trust you with this."

The hurt showed on Eugeo's face.

"It's not because I don't believe in you, Yuu...it's just. You're very angry right now. I know you're hiding it but..it's scary. If I give you an opportunity to hurt them, you might take it."

The hurt on his face faded to understanding as he glanced over at the now napping Kirito.

"...you're right. But if you're planning something against Raios and Humbert...don't. I don't want you getting hurt."

"I won't get hurt."

"Selka."

"I'll be careful. I'm not going to really hurt them anyway. Just a little dream experiment. "

Selka begins to gather her things. Eugeo knew when he'd lost. He'd keep as close an eye on her as possible.

"Would you like me to walk you back?"

"No thank you, I'll be okay."

The next day he heard Raios and Humbert were invited to a training session only to be found unconscious hours later.

Azurica had looked immediately to Eugeo as the culprit, "Didn't I say I'd take care of it?"

"It wasn't me!"

"Which means you know who…"

"No clue, madam!"

Azurica sighs. "Very well, Eugeo. When you see the culprit tell _ her _ next time I will not go this easy. Perhaps this incident will give those two a healthier dose of fear for mere 'commoners' such as ourselves."

"Miss...you also…?"

Azurica merely smiled at him before strolling away to terrify the older students.

Eugeo vaguely thought that he'd like to be as amazing as her when he was a bit older. No one even thought to question her social standing. Her reputation was so impressive and her personality so striking that the idea of mere politics never came up with her. 

When Eugeo made it back to his room the curtains had been pulled shut. Neither he nor Kirito ever closed them, they preferred the open window. He stepped inside with caution. Something grabbed him and he screamed. 

"Shhh!"

His heart was pounding in his chest as he locked gazes with Selka.

"_ What did you do?" _Eugeo hissed at the younger girl. 

She fidgeted, looking nervous, as though she had just snuck an extra cookie from the kitchen. 

"They'll sleep for...a few months."

Eugeo didn't know where to begin. 

He couldn't argue with her without sounding like a hypocrite. Because she had been right. He was furious, angrier than he'd ever been in his life and he had wanted to hurt them, badly. Eugeo had never even thought about harming another, especially while defenseless.

But Eugeo had abstained. Selka had not. And he wishes he had gotten to do something instead. 

"..revenge is wrong, Selka."

Her eyes were wet and furious as her voice rose, "Revenge? I did it to protect him. Now he's safe they can't ever come after him and no one got hurt."

"How do you know that spell of yours is safe? It's not like you could have tested it for months."

Selka was angry. Everything they'd been through after all this time and Eugeo thought to doubt her?

"I _ know it's safe _. I'm not like you I'd never risk him over stupid payback when-"

Her face pales rapidly as she realizes what she said. He doesn't immediately say anything in response. 

She blinks as Eugeo quietly moves away, opening the curtains. Her hands are shaking.

"You don't have to hide out here, you know? Miss Azurica already seems to know what happened."

"Wait, Eugeo, I didn't mean that…"

"It's okay, Selka." Eugeo's voice is gentle against Selka's.

"Please, I really don't think that-"

"You're right, though? If...the opportunity showed itself I would have taken the chance if I could have hurt them."

She hates herself in that moment, for letting her anger get the better of her, when normally she's so timid.

"No that's not-"

"_ It's fine. _" Eugeo's voice rings loudly in the room. He takes a breath then softly, "It's fine."

"Eugeo...I said something I didn't mean in anger. Please...You love Kirito more than anyone else. I know you'd never do anything to hurt him."

Eugeo stopped responding to her, he stood by the window, looking away from her.

She walked over, almost afraid to touch him, but mustered up the courage to grab the edge of his sleeve between two fingers.

He flinched, startled, and clenched his fists.

"If...if that's true? Then why did I find him like that, already hurt by their actions? Why didn't I figure out where he was faster? Why did I have to sit through my best friend having a flashback? You didn't see, Selka. He looked so scared. Why did I have to watch you put yourself in danger? What would have happened if you'd failed? They would have targeted you next and then - and then- then-"

Selka was startled at Eugeo's sudden intensity as he let himself drop to his knees, gripping Selka's cloak, black fabric bunched in his hands. 

She let him drop his forehead on her shoulder, his voice rough, "Why can't I protect either of you?"

She swallowed her nerves as she wrapped her arms around Eugeo's shoulders, "Yuu...You trusted me to do this. I value that more than any protection. I want you and Kirito safe. You're family. I'm sure Ki thinks the same. Please. You can't sacrifice yourself for us. We protect each other. It's just this time I had the honor of protecting both of you. "

She pushes his head back gently to look him in the eyes, her palms pressing his cheeks together.

"Have you been holding that in since you found him? That's bad for you...he talked to you about this didn't he?"

Eugeo didn't say anything further, futilely attempting to pull her hands from his face.

"Eugeo."

"...he told me he was happy I came for him. He called me his hero. After that...I couldn't…"

Selka loosened her grip, shifting to pet his hair, and he immediately relaxed. She almost smiled, he really was weak to people touching his hair.

"Alright. I get it. I think...you need to take a break for tonight. Let's go for a walk, yeah? Some time apart will do you good. You're sure I'm not in trouble?"

Kirito comes home to empty rooms not too much later. A rare occurrence but he reasons, Eugeo deserves time to himself.

Though he still can't shake the feeling of worry, especially after hearing about what had happened to Raios and Humbert, the anger that had sat frozen in the crystal since the incident has finally warmed and has been replaced with something else. Something that felt like it was drumming a steady beat up Kirito's spine and make him almost squirm with anxiety and worry.

He finds himself practically jumping to his feet when the door opens and Selka and Eugeo enter, a slightly somber air about them.

Selka shoots Kirito a fierce glare that holds most of his words in his throat as he chokes out a greeting.

Eugeo looks about as uncomfortable as the crystal feels in that moment and as he bites his lip Kirito can already hear his suggestion to take off the pendant.

Kirito shakes his head defiantly, squaring his shoulders and removing his hand from when it rested on the crystal.

He surges forward, hugging the two. Selka rests a small hand on his forearm and Eugeo wraps an arm around his back, gripping tightly.

"You're both insane. Selka. You do realize the whole student body is going to fall for you after this? You took out their biggest enemies."

"Wha-"

"Eugeo...just…" Kirito loses track of his words at that point, pressing his nose against the other's shoulder, "Eugeo."

Eugeo's voice is small and shaky and Kirito tightens his arm around Eugeo's waist, "I think I'm going to head to bed early tonight…"

And then he snakes his way out of the embrace with a pained smile and is gone.

"I'm gonna sleep here tonight."

Kirito nods, staring at the closed bedroom door.

"Kirito?"

"Was he...crying earlier?" His hand finds its way back to the necklace, "Because this doesn't feel as bad but…"

"No he wasn't…"

Kirito lets distress that's not his own wash over him and he sits.

"Kirito are you...alright?"

He points at Eugeo's door.

"Do you want to...take that off? It really shouldn't be that strong. It's only meant to convey the most basic of feelings…."

Kirito shakes his head stubbornly.

"Come on. Just until he goes to sleep. You two are going to be the death of me."

She reaches her hands around his neck and unclasps the necklace. He doesn't look relieved in the slightest as she places it on the table.

“He hasn’t been alright recently…”

“Neither have you, Kirito.”

“Yeah but with me it’s just…” Kirito waves his arm in the air as if to describe everything, “Eugeo is more grounded than me. This is almost as bad as...as his parents. As when he was living with his parents.”

“...Not quite that bad. He talked to me.”

“That’s good at least.”

Selka takes the time to prepare tea for the two of them.

Kirito smells it gratefully. It’s a little spicy, dark, and honestly he prefers teas that he can put milk in but he can appreciate the taste once in a while. He lifts his cup to take a sip.

“So. How did you feel after the first time you killed someone?”

His eyes are wide as he stares at her over the rim of his cup, which he gently sets back on its saucer.

“...Have you...killed someone?”

“Hm. Almost.”

“Almost...okay. Your...eye...did it hurt?”

“No.”

“So your intent wasn’t to kill the person then.”

“Intent wouldn’t have mattered if I had taken a Life.”

“True, but, it does mean your actions weren’t malicious at heart.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“....Like shit. But also...I didn’t feel anything at all. I made myself forget for a while.”

Selka calmly drinks her tea for a long few minutes. The expression on her face is one Kirito has never seen from her. He’s tired of seeing all these new expressions on his friends’ faces. They never seem to bode well.

Her eyes are half shut, her mouth curled into a small smile, “I told Eugeo they’d sleep for a few months but...that’s only if someone cares enough to wake them. It’s easy enough to wake them up. But the person waking them has to genuinely care about waking them.”

Kirito tries to remember if he was this terrifying when he was her age, trapped in Kayaba’s project. Tries to remember if _ Suguha _ was like this, when she fought their grandfather.

His brain answers him back with a resounding yes.

“You’re scary.”

“My sword is to protect. I told Eugeo this, but I got to protect you this time. Besides. They’re fine. I’ll wake them once they’re far away from us.”

“Still terrifying. Do you know how many people I’ve had to turn away who wanted to ask you for ‘help’ with their sacred art studies?”

‘W-what? Me?” And suddenly his usual Selka is back in full force. He picks his tea back up.

“Yes. You. Stacia, and here I thought I was supposed to be looking out for the two of you.”

“About that...I don’t want to be either of your valets…”

“No? Alright.”

“But...Ronie and Tiese would love to be your valets.”

“Are those two...safe for us to keep so close?”

Selka nods furiously, “I can tell. They are absolutely trustworthy.”

Kirito sighed, “And I trust you. Alright. I wouldn’t be able to watch my words around them for so long anyway.”

She grins, “So you’ll request them?”

“Yeah. They’ve looked out for you when we couldn’t in any case.”

“They’re the best friends I could ask for in this place.”

“Hey...do you think I should give Eugeo more space?”

“Absolutely not. Give him even less space. He was upset he couldn’t protect you earlier.”

“What? That’s...that’s ridiculous. He’s one of the only reasons I survive the day.”

“We know that...but he doesn’t see things that way.”

“Well...that explains what I’ve been getting from the crystal.”

“Has that thing...been getting more powerful?”

“...I think so.”

Selka placed a gentle hand over his.

“Don’t take this the wrong way. But I think you should try wearing it less.”

“...You’re gonna be mad but...I prefer not to. This saved me...I think...he could feel me too when I was with Humbert and Raios.”

“Even though it hurts you that much?”

“Even though. I don’t know if you’ll understand this Sel...but it’ll hurt the same with or without the crystal. I want Eugeo to be happy.”

Selka sighs, thinking of Eugeo earlier, hurting because he couldn’t protect Kirito as well as he wanted, and now Kirito, hurting because he can’t protect Eugeo.

“You two are hopeless. It’s okay. I get it, I get it.”

She feared what it would take for them to admit they were in love with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to leave what Raios and Humbert did to Kirito a bit unclear, especially with Kirito as an unreliable narrator, and I wanted to leave it unclear as to exactly what Selka did to them in return. She's kind of turning into a powerhouse. Maybe even more powerful than the boys? Who knows?
> 
> Next: The Thirtieth
> 
> We getting back to the action next chapter.
> 
> This was a tough one to write. In other news, I've gotten to just after the fight against the Administrator in the LN. That was equally as painful if not worse than the anime. They really left out a lot of Kirito's inner monologue.


	9. Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is still reading this long as heck fic, thank you for your patience and for sticking with me. This isn't the end, after this we are hitting the Administrator arc. As usual I had trouble with this chapter. For once, not with the characters, but with the plot. I know where we're going but how this chapter was going to get us there was a mystery until it was written.
> 
> That aside...nothing more than the usual tagged warnings for this chapter!

Speed bumps aside, they make it through the next three sets of exams. By the time they are halfway through their second year, Kirito and Eugeo are respectively second and third seat Elite Swordsmen.

Their valets, Ronye and Tiese, were in the middle of cleaning their rooms. A tradition that Eugeo and Kirito didn't agree with but the two girls insisted upon. It wasn't much work in any case. The years they'd spent on the road had made the two boys surprisingly clean.

And Ronye liked to care for Kirito's plants on occasion.

She was in the middle of spraying them with water as per Eugeo's suggestion, when she heard soft talking coming from the main room. She shifted towards the door, unable to help her curiosity.

"...seem tired today."

"Well, we haven't had a real day off since...what...4 months ago? Classes, projects, all the side experiments...I have this vague sense I used to hate school."

"You? Hate school? Who gets-" Eugeo cuts off with a yawn, "Excited about the stupidest things about the sacred arts that we learned when we were eight?"

"Well clearly I have some sort of actual amnesia then! It didn't stick."

"...Hey...move over. I think if I don't sit I'll pass out."

It's silent for a moment and Ronye keeps half an ear out. Selka had told her and Tiese to pay special attention to the two of them, especially when they didn't know they were looking.

"There's space…I'm too tired to move."

She'd basically told them to eavesdrop within reason.

"...There's no space."

She lost track of the conversation as she moved to the opposite wall to clean the windows. It wasn't a conversation of substance anyway.

Eugeo was extremely aware of the fact that their valets were still there, and would be for another half an hour. 

He knew Kirito was equally aware of the fact and seemed to not care.

He had sprawled across the entire couch and his shameless claim of there being space was either in his lap or between his knees.

Eugeo prayed to Stacia that he was strong enough to stay awake. Selka had told them to be themselves around the two girls, but he felt terrible giving in to Kirito's whims while they were working hard.

"I'll just sit on the floor and catch up on these texts…" Kirito's hand wraps around his wrist and he makes the mistake of looking at him. Kirito is pouting, "Please? It's been forever since we got to sit together, we're both always too tired to even talk at the end of the day."

Eugeo sighs before removing Kirito's grip from him and perches himself at the edge of the couch between Kirito's calves.

"Just for five minutes. I do have to do this reading before Miss Azurica tests me on it."

Kirito grins, pulling at the back of Eugeo's jacket. 

The movement imbalances him and he has no choice but to let Kirito pull him backwards or fall off the couch. 

He lands sideways against Kirito.

"Really, Kirito?" Eugeo's tone is admonishing but he makes no moves to sit up. 

Kirito's whole body feels warm where Eugeo presses against him and he hugs him closer. 

"Stop being so busy…it's been lonely without you."

"My sincerest apologies."

Eugeo tilts his head to press his cheek against Kirito's chest. He trails his fingers along Kirito's before speaking again. 

"We can't nap right now. Ronye and Tiese are still here."

Kirito yawns as he runs a hand down Eugro's back. Eugeo finds himself yawning again. The feeling of Kirito breathing under him relaxes him enough for him to close his eyes. 

"Kirito...stop that...I really will fall asleep.."

"...m not doing anything."

"...stop breathing."

Kirito cracks his eyes open to stare incredulously at Eugeo, but the other has already fallen asleep. At that point all he feels is happiness, safety, and rest, from the crystal and from Eugeo himself. It lulls him into a light doze.

Ronye exits Eugeo’s room to something that almost moves her to tears. She isn't sure what the feeling is, if it’s happiness or sadness.

She is admiring the fall of Kirito's hair against his forehead when Tiese comes out as well. She doesn't say anything to the other girl when she shifts her gaze to the possessive arm Kirito has wrapped around Eugeo’s back and the peaceful expression she hadn't ever seen on Eugeo's face before. 

"Looking at them is...making me want to take a nap too."

Ronye nods absently, "In a case such as this...we should leave a note and combine today's report with tomorrow's."

Tiese is already diligently writing one and leaving it on the table.

They quietly gather their things and head out.

"Something wrong?"

"I...dunno, Tiese. I think I have to ask Selka something."

"Is it because we caught them...like that?"

"No...yes? I don't understand."

Tiese slips a soft hand into Ronye's as they walk.

"Well...how would you feel if I asked you to nap like that?"

"Huh? We've...napped like that before."

"Then?"

"They looked….it was different. I don't know."

"Was it different, though?"

Ronye was quiet in her contemplation as they walked the rest of the way back.

When Eugeo opened his eyes, he felt inexplicably warm. There was a comforting weight on his back and soft fabric against his cheek. He breathed in.

_ Smells like Kirito… _

The weight on his back shifts and he comes awake all at once with a surprised noise.

He looks up to a sleeping Kirito. And then towards the wall. He notices a slip of parchment on the table and he sighs.

"They saw. I told you this would happen. Kirito."

His tone is annoyed as he presses his cheek to Kirito's chest. His legs are falling asleep and it's not the most comfortable but Eugeo doesn't want to move. He rarely gets the chance to be so close to Kirito at the academy. He misses their life in the countryside. Their easy nights where the three of them would quietly spend time together. Even during those days he barely worked up the guts to admire the curve of his face, his slightly long eyelashes, to put himself quite so close to the boy he admired. 

"Kirito, if you sleep any more you won't be able to sleep tonight."

Eugeo yawned.

"....’m awake.."

A second arm wrapped around Eugeo. He makes a weak attempt at escape.

"A little longer."

"You're such a child. Were you awake when Ronye and Tiese left that note too?"

"Mhmm. Barely. Too much work to talk."

Eugeo reaches up to tug Kirito's hair.

"What's the real reason?"

Kirito sighs, "You're too sharp," He sits up pulling a limp Eugeo up with him. The pale haired trainee yawns as he is pulled further onto the couch. Kirito gently leans his forehead on Eugeo's shoulder as the blonde sits up straight, yawning himself.

"I think those two have a crush on each other."

"Eh? But...the taboo.."

"Mhmm...but Selka said to trust them…"

"...This is a hunch...but do you think she...did something to them?"

Eugeo pulls his text from his bag, resigning himself to having to work as they were. He didn’t want to work but there was so much to get through. And he was honestly getting tired of being at the academy.

"She wouldn't. Well, at least nothing dangerous…"

"We'll just have to ask her."

It's silent for a few minutes as Eugeo fails to read, too distracted by the feel of Kirito wrapping himself around him as much as he can. 

"Hey? Are you planning on getting any work done today?"

"Yeah...eventually. .."

Eugeo jerks in place as Kirito takes a long deep breath.  _ Did he just smell me?! _ He feels his heart racing and he keeps as still as possible feeling like a trapped mouse.

"...are you still half asleep?"

"Yeah." Kirito sounds too self satisfied to be telling the truth.

"Liar. You know...doing stuff like that..it defeats the whole purpose of me courting you. There's still a whole few months left. Then you tell me all about your amnesia...then...I'd probably...let you do whatever you want..."

Kirito's tone is soft and almost dangerous when he replies and Eugeo feels that he may have said something he shouldn't have.

"And if I tell you everything now?"

He feels like he’s facing something dangerous.

"I...can't see you doing that."

"Then what if...I tell you a story?"

Eugeo feels himself shaking a little, he's so nervous. He never expected Kirito to come clean about anything without being pressured. He didn't understand why. Kirito's grip around him was tight and he found Eugeo's hand, intertwining their fingers.

"Kirito?"

"Once I was kidnapped from right under my family's nose. And not just me, thousands of others were with me."

Kirito told him about Aincrad. He made sure not to mention it was a game and that hurt and he'd have to explain the whole reality thing at some point.

But at that moment quietly telling his story into Eugeo's collar made him feel.

He wasn't quite sure Eugeo believed him. Kirito lost steam as he finished telling him about Sachi. He knew he would have to tell Eugeo all of this again with proper context but at that moment he just wanted to be heard.

And Eugeo listened. He listened and listened until Kirito’s voice started getting hoarse. He listened to how he met Asuna, how he felt about Klein, how he started hunting down those who thought it was ok to kill without consequence. How his decisions had cost lives.

"-I knew it. This is really hurting you isn't it? Keeping your past secret?" Eugeo considers his next words, "I promise I'll never be dismissive of your opinions. If we ever end up in a dangerous place. I trust you."

"T-thank you…"

"I'm not complaining but why did you suddenly say all that?"

He mumbled something that Eugeo thought sounded like 'dense idiot' but Eugeo chose to pretend he hadn't heard.

"...was lonely. I wanted to be closer to you. And it's nicer to do it this way. Instead of lying."

"You're not lying. You never lied. You're just not telling, and I knew this whole time, remember? And that's okay. But I can only stand back and let you hurt yourself like this for so long."

"Eugeo…"

"It's okay. I'm not going anywhere without you."

Eugeo traces a hand along where the crystal pendant lay under Kirito's clothes.

Eugeo feels the world tilt a little, his stomach climbing it’s way up his throat a bit when Kirito speaks again. If Eugeo didn’t know better, he sounds shy.

"...I was good. Do I get a reward for sharing?"

Eugeo struggles with himself for a moment in the face of Kirito's pouting alongside his iron grip on Eugeo and red ears peeking out from his black hair. All of it designed to trap Eugeo.

Eugeo takes a moment to complain to  _ Stacia _ for sending him this demon in the visage of an angel. Surely she would know that he has no power over this? Eugeo's voice trembles, "Y-you  _ were _ really honest with me today. You were good," and Kirito's face betrays his excitement at being praised, Eugeo files  _ that _ away for much much later, "Um, yeah okay...close your eyes."

Kirito quietly does as he's told, tilting his face upwards, a clear invitation for what he'd been angling for. And now that Eugeo is thinking about it, he'd been trying for days. Why couldn't he just  _ ask _ ? They rarely kissed but he had to have known Eugeo would let him if he wanted?

Eugeo leans down and presses his lips against Kirito's forehead, unable to help but tease him. Kirito snaps his head up, almost annoyed, almost happy, " _ That's  _ not - mmph,"

Eugeo cuts him off, pressing their lips gently together and Kirito melts into him. He doesn't move for a moment and neither does Eugeo, merely enjoying the point of contact and closeness. The kiss is as long and chaste and they barely break apart before Kirito darts forward, nipping at Eugeo's bottom lip with his teeth. 

In retaliation, Eugeo presses forward, pushing Kirito back down against the couch pressing his lips against his friend’s once more. 

This time Eugeo's tongue finds his way into Kirito's mouth and after a while he can't take Eugeo's explorations quietly. He finds himself squirming under his friend, hands pulling lightly at his hair in retaliation.

When Eugeo pulls back he is looking down at Kirito with an intense focus he has only seen when they duel. Kirito can't run from his gaze so he closes his eyes, pulling Eugeo's head back down with the hand in his hair.

By the time Kirito is in his own bed he is unable to hear anything but Eugeo telling him how good he was for talking, how he was there for him. He let his fingers trace his lips and wondered where he learned to kiss like  _ that _ .

He couldn't trade a truth as terrible as the secret behind his world for Eugeo could he? Maybe just the less world shattering parts?

The crystal felt almost unbearably warm, the same type of warmth that had sat comfortably in Kirito's own stomach as Eugeo had slept on him, and he was scared to put a name to it.

Before he could control himself, he had walked across his room, out through their main room, and then into Eugeo's room.

Two emerald eyes sleepily looked over at him.

Eugeo took in Kirito's messy hair and his slightly uncomfortable expression, and lifted the covers in invitation.

He climbs in immediately slotting himself against Eugeo.

Eugeo lets Kirito shift them to a comfortable position, still embarrassed over being so forceful earlier. He'd never seen Kirito so flustered. So vulnerable. He had caused that. Eugeo would have to be careful. It was a feeling he could get addicted to.

All he could think was that Kirito's hands were smaller than they looked when they gripped his hair and back.

Kirito mumbles something to him.

"Hm?"

"Thank you for….earlier. It was nice."

Eugeo thinks of many responses to that ill fitting expression of gratitude but Kirito's hand running across his back sends him straight to sleep.

  
  


Morning approached slowly, Eugeo waking long before he needed to. Fully awake, he kept his eyes closed, and tried his best not to move around too much. Kirito was still fast asleep, sprawled next to him.

After enjoying an hour of peacefulness, he reluctantly moved to get up, jostling Kirito. He rolled onto his front, hiding his face in a pillow as Eugeo detangled himself from the covers.

"Kirito. Up."

Kirito proceeded to let loose a string of complaints which sounded nothing like the common tongue to Eugeo. When Kirito got no response he moved, grabbing the edge of Eugeo's sleeve.

"Ten more minutes?"

He sleepily blinked up at Eugeo. Eugeo didn't fall for his act but his traitorous heart sped up and he made sure not to meet Kirito's eyes.

"No. We have that special guest coming today, remember? Miss Azurica will probably kill us if we're late to the morning gathering."

"Well...she won't  _ kill _ us. I say the extra sleep is worth it."

"...You know what. You're right. She won't kill us, she'll kill  _ me _ . Strictest woman in the academy and somehow she's never even turned a sharp tongue your way. Only you, Kirito."

"That's not true! Is it?"

"Have you ever gotten a punishment from her?"

Kirito's silence was answer enough.

"Now that we've established that, I'm getting ready. Kust because you won't get in trouble doesn't mean I'm safe."

In an astonished tone, Kirito questioned, "When have you ever gotten in trouble?"

Eugeo didn't answer him.

  
  


As they stood in the entry hall to greet the academy's guest, Kirito felt hyperaware of Eugeo's presence. And it wasn't because of the crystal, he just couldn't look away. To the point that Selka made some sharp motions to get his attention until he did.

Kirito's shoulders hunched up a little as he realized he had been staring. Azurica took role, making sure everyone's uniforms were neat and pressed.

As usual, Eugeo had dressed himself impeccably, but the house master stared for much longer than she had any other student before moving on to Kirito.

She immediately buttoned the top of his collar with far more force than Kirito thought was necessary. She sent a sharp look Eugeo's way, who in turn glared at Kirito as if to say "See?" She then fixed his hair. As she did so she stared at him, her eyes looking softer than she normally did. "About our… meeting… the other day. There seems to be no further need for my intervention however, I am here for future consultations if you need...space." 

She stared until Kirito agreed, and moved on in the role call with a small glare in Eugeo's direction.

On Eugeo's right, a classmate jostled him, "Why does she hate you so much? What did you do?"

Eugeo shrugged.

"I dunno…"

He has his theories though. She was protective over Kirito and expected him to protect him. 

She was harsh on him because she liked Kirito.

Or maybe he just hated him.

It's happened before. Though Eugeo thought hate was probably too strong a word. She had protected them after all.

He tried not to look at Kirito. He didn't know what sort of face he would make if he met his eyes and Kirito had still been staring at him. 

Eventually, when he felt like he was no longer being watched (and really he had to ask Kirito what that was all about later), he relaxed.

The front doors opened to reveal an above average height woman dressed in regal white and lavender cloths. Her lilac hair shone in sol's light and her presence seemed to demand attention. 

Eugeo felt his heart still, as he faced something almost incomprehensible. 

He felt light headed. 

Behind the purple haired noble - who he recognized as the pontificate, the most holy in the land, was a row of integrity knights. 

Among them was one in shining armor, blue clothes, and an icy stare.

Golden hair twisted into a long braid. 

Before he could register what he was seeing he was pulled harshly down into a bow by Kirito.

Eugeo felt strange, like his heart had decided to choke him.

"Now,"

Eugeo desperately tried to pay attention to what the minister was saying but as he rose all he could see was _ her. _

He was looking at Alice. The knight before them could be no one else.

"As you all already know, soon we will be selecting one student to move on to studies within the central cathedral, to train as one of my own esteemed knights."

_ Right. The integrity knights were under her direct command. But Alice had been arrested why- _

"However today, I will be choosing a second. And depending on how further testing goes perhaps we may have three knights from this group."

_ -she wouldn't recognize me, it's been years. Selka probably recognized her as fast as I did. Kirito said he'd been dreaming. That he'd seen someone in his dream. Talking about things the three of them had done as kids but- we didn't- Alice never met him- I'd never forget Kirito- he never met her!  _

_ " _ Normally a choosing of this kind would require some sort of...hm…" she smoothed her dress down as she seemed to search for an appropriate word. Eugeo distantly thought she was beautiful, in the same way one would admire a fine cloth, "Tournament or selection bracket, however I have been watching and I have reached my decision."

_ I need to….to what? Would she even recognize me or care? W-why did I come here? Drag Kirito and Selka here? Why am I doing this? _

A shadow fell over Eugeo and he almost made the grave error of looking up. One of his status was not to meet eyes with nobility, much less the highest minister in the land.

"Eugeo."

If he felt like his heart was in his throat before, now it felt like it had stopped.

"Congratulations, my new knight in training. Madam Azurica will show you to me tomorrow morning."

There was silence as the heels of her shoes click clacked towards the door, shuffling of armor and weaponry followed behind her, only to be cut off by the slamming shut of the heavy wooden doors.

Eugeo felt cold.

He distinctly felt each breath he took, a strange blockage stopping him from breathing properly.

He felt something tug at his arm. Eventually the pulling faded into a pressure that moved him and eventually the hall was empty.

"Eugeo."

He blinked, finally looking up.

"Sel…"

Selka's eyes were wide with worry, but she didn't look  _ sad _ or  _ upset _ or any of the million other things Eugeo expected to see.

Before he could say anything to her, gentle, slightly wrinkled hands lifted Eugeo's chin.

"Eugeo- "

" _ Why me?-  _ I don't -"

He couldn't talk about Alice, he was chosen?

He felt the room spinning around him as he tried to  _ think _ .

Suddenly another body was pressed against his.

"Eugeo. Breath. Deep breaths. It's ok."

"Kirito…"

After a long minute, Eugeo gently pushed Kirito away from him, "I apologize Madam, I don't know what- what came over me…"

Her eyes were wide and she shook her head almost distractedly, "Quite alright. Eugeo. This is an unprecedented situation. I would never punish you for reacting to it."

She seems to steel herself before stepping closer.

"You broke the seal I never truly could...be careful in the cathedral."

Eugeo realized what had sent him spiraling into this deep panic. He was going to be there alone. He had to deal with Alice, alone. He had to go alone. He had to do this. 

"I'll try to be careful…"

"Good." Her eyes passed over the three of them,"You are excused from all commitments today."

Eugeo was sure he nodded his head but he couldn't force himself to verbally respond. 

He'd been searching for what had happened to Alice but he hasn't really expected her to be alive. She was supposed to have been executed. Why hadn't she gone back home then?

He followed along obediently as Kirito guided him by the hand. 

Eugeo couldn't stop thinking. He was going to have to go to the central cathedral. He was going to have to go alone. Kirito would be alone. He couldn't leave Kirito at the academy. Not after they'd come so far.

Eugeo knew Kirito had helped him sit in their living room,he knew Selka was across from him keeping a careful distance, and he knew that Kirito was saying something to him but he was afraid and he didn't understand what he should do. Suddenly he didn't understand what was the point.

If Alice was alive then maybe she'd  _ chosen _ not to come back. How was Kirito so calm. His throat felt like it was on fire and his head felt light.

"-geo.  _ Eugeo _ .  _ Breathe." _

"K-kirito. That… that was Alice right? That- that-"

Kirito sat next to him pulling Eugeo's hand to his chest, encouraging him to take each breath with him.

"That was..definitely Alice. I don't know why, but that was definitely her- Selka, are you ok?"

"Y-yes. Eugeo that was definitely my big sister...that was...her."

None of them really expected to find her. They expected to find out what had happened to her, but they'd never truly expected to find her. The hope was there but to be confronted with her in the flesh, even for a few minutes, was almost too much for them.

Selka took a deep breath. The room was quiet aside from Eugeo's rapid breaths.

"Yuu...I don't think they're giving you a choice. I think...I think you have to go. To the Central Cathedral." Selka's voice was uneven as she brought her knees up to her chin for comfort.

"No- no you don't have to do anything you-"

"Selka's right, Kirito. I can't oppose Her."

Kirito quieted. He knew they were both speaking logically but all he could think about was Eugeo's shaking hand under his. He let their hands fall between them.

Eugeo met his eyes, "Are you okay?"

"Am I-" Kirito let out a startled laugh, "I'm  _ fine _ Eugeo. Will you be okay?"

Eugeo looks as though he's taking the question extremely seriously.

"I take perfect care of myself. Don't forget to put out the lights while I'm not here. You always do."

"Eugeo, I'm being serious-"

"He's right, you always for the lights."

"Selka don't encourage-"

"And don't forget about Tiese and Ronye's schedule."

Eugeo's grip tightens around Kirito's.

"I won't! What do you two take me for?"

"A-and...don't forget about me."

Selka sits up straight, "I would never forget about you. Besides exams are soon. I'm going to find you and Alice. I promised I'd be there for you."

"I won't either. I never could. Even when we first met back in Rulid it felt like I'd found something I'd been missing. I'm going to outclass every single person during examinations and I'll find you and- and-"

Selka sits up, looking for an easy exit.

"...and?"

She doesn't want to leave because then she'd be alone and she really wants Eugeo's company to help her feel less alone but just for a moment she wants to make herself scarce. 

"And I'll always find you."

Eugeo looks down, overwhelmed, and gives Kirito the smallest nod in reply. 

"And I'll always wait for you…"

Selka lets out a loud groan in complaint, her face red, "Please don't kiss in front of me!!"

"We weren't going to-"

Eugeo's face is notably red as he cuts in, "We weren't? I thought…"

"Eugeo that's-"

"I have no problem with you two but I'd prefer not to watch people who are basically my family do  _ that _ ."

"Selka what are you thinking?!"

"Nothing. I'm talking about what  _ you're  _ thinking-"

Eugeo can't hold back any longer and starts laughing. Kirito looks betrayed as he beckons Selka over and drags them both into a hug. 

Kirito is quick to hug back.

The next morning Eugeo is picked up early by the house master. They were lucky enough to have said goodbye the night before and Eugeo is still feeling thrown by that goodbye.

No, not a goodbye. He refuses to think of it that way. It would only be a few weeks.

However, the trio hadn't been split apart for  _ years. _

And this wasn't their own doing either, it was a loss of control over their lives that they weren't expecting.

And more than himself he was terribly worried about Kirito.

Selka wholeheartedly dedicated herself to her studies in the sacred arts over the following weeks. She couldn't wipe Eugeo's shocked face from her mind. It melted into the image of him at his farm and all over that coated her heart in one goal. She wasn't going to leave him on his own, even for her own sister. He was family too. She was going to impress Her no matter what.

After Eugeo had departed for his training, Kirito didn't feel much different.

He went about his day as normal. Most of the time it was almost like Eugeo hadn't left. He woke up, attended classes if he had to, then trained.

The rest of the time he wasn't sure what to do. Tiese, Ronye, and Selka did their best to take up all of his remaining free time, and he had noticed. But no matter what he did he couldn't get the worried looks off their faces. Did he sound different? Act differently? Was he any different when Eugeo was around?

He knew he was, he knew he was more himself when Eugeo was with him. More alive.

At night he felt cold. The crystal felt cold against his chest. It seemed they had finally felt the distance it mostly stopped working.

He had felt the smallest surge just twelve hours after Eugeo had left, that night he felt something...bittersweet? He wasn't sure. It was gone as fast as it came but it had to have been strong, as that was the only thing he'd felt from it since his partner had left.

Kirito honestly wasn't sure how he felt. He hadn't been separated from Eugeo for 5 years. 

He knew he didn't want it to last and he wasn't going to let anyone get in his way.

At the top of the central cathedral, Eugeo kneeled before the highest minister.

"Rise, Eugeo. I will be educating you myself."

Eugeo couldn't help but let out a noise of surprise.

"I suppose you are wondering why? You caught my eye is all. Not just anyone could fell the tree I planted. While on the upper floors, you may call me Quinella."

"Lady Quinella...I do not know what to say to such an unprecedented honor."

She smiled and Eugeo felt his fear go from the normal level he'd feel facing an unknown high standing noble, to an instinctual fight or flight response.

"Now, young Eugeo, let us begin."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Next Part: The Journal of Synthesis Thirty Two**
> 
> _Imagine being with people love for five years and suddenly being told you had to leave them and there was nothing you can do about it!_
> 
> IRL: I am currently in a hotspot for the pandemic and safely quarantined myself away from other people. Today is day 9 of keeping myself indoors. I'm a little bit of a risk if I catch it so I'm scared to even go grocery shopping! People are being generous enough to do that for me, so I just add on to their list. My job is closed until further notice, and so far I haven't been able to get unemployment. I'm not looking for anything but I do want to offer, anyone in a similar situation and want to talk, is looking for resources, or anything at all is free to message me on any social media.
> 
> Hope everyone is safe, doing well, and hopefully this chapter provided at least a few minutes of entertainment during all this free time!

**Author's Note:**

> Eugeo's probably the most important character in SAO to me.


End file.
